What would you do if only 20% of your guests Rsvp?

It sounds like you’re happier with your second option. I’m not even sure what I’d do if only 20% RSVP, but it also depends on the venue. If it would have been a backyard wedding or a place that didn’t require a minimum I would have said to hell with it & got married with the ones that showed up.


I understand it’s frustrating to have to cancel your original plans and I don’t blame you for not wanting to spend the extra money for the ones that didn’t RSVP. On the bright side of things, I am glad you were able to have a plan B & you’re happy about your decision.

Emma - I am so sorry that you are going through a rollercoaster of emotions! For the record, I would be the exact same way! I am super impressed you were able to shift your plans and come up with a tremendous wedding - it sounds amazing (even if it was different than your original plan)! I hope you have the BEST time and CONGRATULATIONS!! You are getting married in THREE days!! Enjoy being surrounded by your loved ones and cherish your time with those individuals and the beauty of marrying your Soon to be husband!!

That’s heartbreaking! I feel for all of the hard work you have done. Did any of 80% respond to your texts and call reminders?
We had one person that didn’t RSVP or respond to our text asking if they were coming, which I find extremely rude. I can only image the frustration you feel.
Glad you are carrying on with a small intimate group.

Typically you tally up all the replies that come in on the last day and there will be quite a few last minute. Then you immediately start calling anyone who has not yet rsvp’ed. Don’t hang up until you get a yes or no. There should be no reminders prior to the deadline because they are adults. Unfortunately some feel that you are mind readers.


Follow your gut and do what you feel is right for you. Those who want to attend will make it happen. For the ones who can’t be bothered to let you know one way or the other, that’s their loss. Unfortunately etiquette is a rare art that many feel doesn’t apply to the current times, so it’s not taught to younger generations, when it’s more important now than ever. Focus on the positive. Your new plan sounds great.

I’m so sorry to hear that.

In my experience (as a bridesmaid helping friends plan their wedding), it is common for about 20% of local guests to decline and about 50% of out-of-town guests to decline. And destination weddings had about 70% of their guests decline.

I found collecting RSVPs to be the most stressful part of our wedding planning, especially as about 60 guests didn’t meet our RSVP deadline - despite mailing cards with a preaddressed, stamped envelope and a link to RSVP online (We texted and called them after our deadline, and we still had quite a few that didn’t respond at all. We just marked them as “declined”. We did have a few of those change to “accept,” after we heard back from them a few days later, close to a week after our deadline. Our caterer, thankfully, was flexible). Several of my friends that did online only RSVPs had to follow-up with even more of their guests.

We invited just over 200 guests, but after collecting our RSVPs we expected 110 for the ceremony and 100 for the reception. We had 10 guests cancel the week of the wedding, and at least another 10 that simply didn’t show up. I understand not everyone can make it, especially with COVID, and, as most of our family lives out-of-state, we weren’t disappointed with a less than 50% turnout. I was, however, surprised so many guests canceled/didn’t show up last minute, as, if we would have known sooner, we could have adjusted our final headcount, instead of paying for meals that weren’t served and centerpieces for empty tables.

Usually once the deadline has passed, it's your job as the host to call people and ask. It's awkward and a lot of work, and a PITA.

I'm really sorry things didn't work with your plan A. That really sucks and really really rude on behalf of your guests.

Hopefully you can put this behind you and focus on having an amazing wedding day!

I am very sorry about your situation. I am gathering that you did not invite people to your actual wedding and perhaps may have felt slighted being invited to an event in a bar after the elopement ceremony-- on top of it being a Thursday evening. Nonetheless, the point is people should still have had the courtesy to RSVP either way.

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Ooooh, yeah good point. I didn't see that. Yes sometimes people feel slighted in arrangements like this. There's a thread started today about this topic.

Anyway still have an amazing day!

View Quoted Comment Yes this is true. While some have no issues attending something like this, just as many feel like third class citizens who would rather not be invited.

I'm sorry you're going through this. But yeah, it's probably because of they weren't invited to the ceremony and felt hurt.

At this point, though, try to push it from your mind. Just concentrate on having a great day tomorrow.

Coming from a person who invited 250 people to her wedding and praying 100 of them don't say yes I would have been happy to save me some money lol but I know with you having to have 60 max I would have just invited a few other people to justify me going through with my plan. I'm curious why so many aren't attending did you reach out and they just declined? I know a lot of my family and FH family couldn't work the website. so I RSVP for them. Some people said they lost the virtual invite due to everyday life and not knowing where to go to find the link. But truly I'm sorry that all of your hard work didn't pan out I know that feeling and it doesn't feel well. I'm glad you had a backup plan and your intimate wedding sounds great congrats beautiful you got this! it's your day and don't let anyone destroy it