What would you do? Skip brother's wedding or no?

Almost all of my in-laws and myself have some issues with my FH's sister-in-law. Seriously, its getting to a point that I cant stand the woman and i've only known her for about a year. However, we all would still show up to the wedding if they had one (they got eloped with plans for an actual wedding down the line). The hair appointment is a bit ridiculous though.

I would tell your brother you are not waking your child up before 630 to get to an 8am appointment for a 4pm wedding and if that means you're not a candle lighter so be it. If necessary, you can also tell him she'd ruin her hair because she's 5. Since he has clearly stated that you are not part of the wedding party, you shouldn't be beholden to their schedule. Tell him that if he doesn't want you to be a candle lighter, that is fine but you'll still want to go. depending what he says there, you'll know one way or the other.

So, I kind of have mixed opinions on this entire post. While I agree it is unreal to expect a 5 year old to get their hair done at 8 am for a 4pm wedding ( I Have a 5 year old myself). You are eliminating all play time, nap time and pretty much everything else so keep that updo. now where I am conflicted (and I read every comment including your response to what you said to your future SIL) is you going out of your way to call the place. While I know you were just trying to be helpful but as a bride I would feel like you were going behind my back and trying to change my plans for MY wedding. I know you said the hair dresser prefers to have 4 people there at 8 am but that is really something that should have been addressed with the bride not you. That being said I DON'T think you were doing it to be malicious but I could see how it could rub off wrong. My mother in law called our transportation company to ask a question and they gave her our full schedule of when buses were running and other stuff and she was trying to change the times and I was livid because I meticulously planned the time frame.

In your case if you want any hopes of a relationship with your brother EVER UI would go and just dip out after the ceremony. I would also just make arrangements to get your daughters hair done closer to where the wedding is being held at an age appropriate time. I would reach out to the bride ask for any inspo pics of what shes looking for your daughters hair and take that and just handle it. I would excuse yourself from the entire hair drama by using someone else. Last thing you need is for the hair dresser to tell the bride she told you something in hopes you relayed it so I would just back out of that for any potential future drama.

As I stated I don't think you are int he wrong by any means BUT that would have been my worry was the fact she said to tell the bride. You honestly haven't done anything wrong but that doesn't mean she will perceive it that way. I hope it all works out for you and your family can get past this. Family is so important.

Goodness, after all that?! I wouldn't go. However, your mother would be devastated! I understand where you are coming from with kiddo, but if your mom is paying for the event and you do not attend, don't you think that would hurt worse? I'd really have to think bout it. Yes, he is your brother and all but the treatment you are receiving is really nasty. So it makes it a tough choice. If it were me, I'd go for my mother's sake, ceremony ONLY. Just so that was she wasn't alone or felt obligated for anything else since she paid for the event.

I would say go, you don't want to regret it later. You are under no obligation to stay the whole night, maybe just go to the ceremony and dinner and then leave. Especially if you aren't allowed to hang out with the group in the party bus afterwards.

Wait , why are they treating you like this? Was their a personal argument or disagreement you had with the Fiance'? Just trying to get both sides here.

Here's the thing I think your brother has gotten himself into a very controlled relationship. I think he is doing everything he can to please his FW and that is acceptable to an extent. He's hurting you with these words and actions because he has lost himself somewhere along this relationship he is in.
I do think you should go. I think you should do your best to be there for him and your mom. I know it will be hard but one day, I promise you. One day your brother will find himself again and he will remember that even though this woman is being nasty and causing endless drama, YOU still tried to make the best of the situations. He will need you to be his rock in those dark hours when he is free and finding himself again.

I know I am not all rainbows and sunshine about their marriage, but I am a realist...I doubt this will stand the test of time. Just be there when and how you can without being emotionally effected.

Why should you note that? What does that have to do with anything?

Have you messaged your brother or his fiancé yet? Has anything been solved or gotten better? Have you sorted out the hair issue? I hope things were able to be worked out

I would get my hair done locally show up and support your mom allow your daughter to be the flower girl and after the ceremony we would head home.