What's everyone's beef with a honeymoon fund?

A shower is for actual gifts, not a cash fund.

View Quoted Comment This. The definition of a bridal shower is a party to shower a bride (or couple) with gifts for their new home.

Would I completely lose it on someone if they said they were doing a honeymoon fund? No. Would I attend a shower where the bride was only asking for money? Also no.

People dont need to be told couples want money. Money is a good gift for everyone and guests know that. As far as why people don’t like honeymoon funds, a few reasons. 1. The site takes a % of the money. 2. The “experience” listed that I’m paying for isn’t something I’m actually paying for because the site just sends the couple a check.

I have no idea why people get so upset about it. Most people that I know do a combination of physical gifts and a honeymoon fund. From what I have seen the older generation loves the idea of physical gifts, and everyone in my generation loves the idea of contributing to a honeymoon fund. We have a combination on our registry and I’m not the least concerned about it. We plan on sending photos or Facebook tagging people when we do the things that they contribute to. Even though you just get a check from the honeymoon registry company, most people don’t know that and I think it adds a sweet way to acknowledge someone’s gift. Maybe it’s a know your crowd thing, but I’m with you, I have no idea why someone would be offended by it.

I guess it's so normal to open presents at a shower, and the whole point is to "shower the bride with gifts" so just giving cash seems weird. I was given cash in two presents and it was super awkward to open the card as opposed to opening gifts. I also think honeyfunds are pointless since you pay for the service, when people are fine just giving cash in a card at your wedding.

I don’t care if someone has a honeymoon fund for the wedding but showers are for physical gifts and I would feel uncomfortable watching someone open checks in front of everyone. But honeymoon funds are a know your crowd thing as some people find them deceiving since they aren’t actually purchasing an excursion or dinner. Not everyone is aware that they’re just giving you money that’s deposited into your bank account with a middleman taking out a fee.

View Quoted Comment This response makes it more understandable why people would have an issue. I can totally understand why it’s not proper etiquette to deceive your guests

View Quoted Comment True. That makes sense

View Quoted Comment I thought everyone knew how it worked but I had someone reply to me on here that they will never give to a honeymoon fund again because they had no idea. It’s a know your crowd thing! We had a ton of cash and checks given to us without a honeymoon fund but that’s not the norm for everyone’s social circle.

For me, it just doesn't make any sense. All "honeymoon funds" take a cut of the cash that people give. So if I want to gift you $100, i actually have to pay ~$103, or you only get ~$97, depending on the site. On top of that, I'm not actually purchasing you an experience or a dinner (because the site just cuts you a check or sends a wire to your account) which is very misleading i think. It's just an unnecessary middle man because literally everyone knows that cash is a good wedding gift. If you have a tiny registry or no registry, it sends a very clear message that you dont' need physical gifts.

Plus, IMO registering for cash is just really tacky.

View Quoted Comment I didn’t realize that the sites were so misleading about it. It makes a lot more sense to me now lol

I agree with PPs about being uncomfortable watching people opening checks or cards with money.
We didnt have a shower and walked away with much much more money from wedding gifts than I would have expected.

Cash (and that includes honeymoon funds) shouldn't go onto your registry. The reason is that you never solicit someone to give you a gift. When you have physical gifts on your registry, that is so that someone who wants to give you a gift will know what you would like. But since everyone likes cash, putting cash on your registry can't possibly have that function, so it comes across as telling people to give you gifts, rather than telling them what you'd like if they were already planning to give you a gift.

And that's in addition to the practical issue: If you don't have a registry, people will give you cash. If you have a honeymoon registry, they will give you less cash, after subtracting the fees from the honeymoon registry itself. So why do it?

Of course, if you have a shower, the point is to give you physical gifts. It would just be really awkward to be opening gifts that consisted of cash, honeymoon fund, gift cards, etc., because it would be way too obvious that Person A gave more than Person B.

I think it’s a know ur crowd thing. I don’t care about contributing to a honeymoon fund - I actually did a few mos. ago - the bride to be set it up that you paid for specific outings that they want to do during their honeymoon.
I had my shower yesterday, and I received multiple cards w/ money & gift cards (along w/ a lot of gifts) It wasn’t awkward.

After reading some of the responses- it’s clear to me now that it’s in poor etiquette due to the way the sites mislead guests about what they are paying for and additional fees. I can totally understand that! However, i still think that if someone wants to do it who cares why shame them or make them feel like they are in poor taste. It isn’t your shower so why not just ignore it lol

I haven't researched honeymoon funds in depth yet, but this thread is actually making me not want to do one--I didn't realize about the fee (though that makes sense), and that they just cut a check.

The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking I'll just do a traditional registry and have a card box at the wedding.

(I contributed to a honeymoon fund a couple years ago and thought it was a cute idea, so I'm definitely not opposed to them, but a friend had all sorts of drama in her family about one.)

Thanks for posting about this!

View Quoted Comment

Agreed! Also, Go Birds!!!!

I have mixed feelings about honeymoon funds. I’ve only been invited to two showers that explicitly asked for one. The first I refused to give them money because they are the type of people who would not actually use it for their honeymoon. Like a physical gift, you would want what you gift to someone to be used for the intended purpose. The other one that had asked for honeymoon funds provided information to give the money directly to the travel agent, but I opted to get something from the registry. At the time, I didn’t have a lot of money, so it would have been embarrassing to give a small amount of money versus an actual present even though it was the same monetary amount. I also don’t like the idea of paying fees to give money. For all that’s worth I’ll write a check.

Generally speaking, I am a bit older (37) and it’s not something that most people I know would feel comfortable asking for. That could also vary depending on where you live and what’s culturally acceptable. For me, I would feel most comfortable gifting towards the honeymoon if I could pay directly to the vacation itself, such as to the resort or cruise company. I think if it’s something you want to do, go ahead and do it, but you should also have a small registry somewhere for those who aren’t comfortable with strictly giving money for whatever reason.

I mean my beef is that it’s a scam and completely useless.

People know cash is a good gift for a wedding.

Also how much fun would it be to sit at a shower and go “Aunt Linda gave me this fresh and crispy $100 bill! Ohhh Cousin Rachel, what’s this oh a wrinkly $20 bill. Grandma Lucy! Thanks for the nicely folded $50 check!” How awkward is just counting our cash at a shower? The whole purpose is to shower the wedded-to-be with gifts. If gifts aren’t necessary you could throw virtually any other party to celebrate.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks that makes a lot of sense

View Quoted Comment

That's very true.