What's the Cringy-est Piece of Advice Your Mother Gave You About Being Married?!

Not so much from my mom but definitely from other family female members there have been some weird things theyve said about marriage. The big one is probably that my husband does most of the cooking and I do the cleaning (and we’re pretty much equal with everything else). It works for us, but pretty sure it drives MIL and my grandmother crazy that he cooks. But I’m proud we have an equal relationship with no gender normative roles so I ignore them. Honestly the older generations have such outdated advice most of it can be ignored lol just focus on taking advice from people with relationships you admire

Well, my mother is a toxic narcissist who refused to come to our wedding because her name wasn't on the invitations...

But.

Let's see.

When I was a teenager who hated drugs, she told me to get my weed from someone I trusted.

Then followed that up telling me where to get the condoms she kept around.

(I should point out, a) my parents were only JUST separating, and I *know* my father had a vasectomy, so, uh, this is coming up in therapy tomorrow, and b) I HAD BARELY KISSED A BOY... like, a peck on the lips was about as far as I had felt comfortable going! She knew this!)

She loves to tell me that my shoulders are "broad" and I should "cover them". (As you can see from my pictures, I'm about the size of a toothpick.)

Bonus for the "wear a bra, or you'll sag!" nagging... when we are not the same bra size, remotely. (I loathe bras and wear tank tops to this day. Or a corset. I love corsets.)

She's wanted me to cut my hair for years. I love it long. It's to my hips on a regular basis. She hates this.

And that's just the simple stuff I can say here. Therapy's been gnarly lately.

My favorite piece of advice came from my dad and it was long before I ever met my fiancé (I think I was a kid actually):
He said “don’t ever agree to marry someone unless you’ve lived with them for at least a year. You don’t know how crazy a person can be until you have to wake up next to them every day.”
Ha, I love my mom and dad so much—not traditional but definitely wise IMO

The only ??? advice I got separately, from each of my parents and my grandma before I went to Europe for a year at 16, was never to believe any male about birth control. Men lie. Take care if it yourself so you are sure, or don't do anything. The cringy advice came from my first mother in law to her son, when she did not realize I was coming down the staircase - FI said. I think she knew, when she told him it was wise of him to marry someone quirky and not pretty, because I was less likely to play around, and would be grateful for everything he gave me.

View Quoted Comment Ooph, that would not fly for my family xD. Due to the current world situation, I’m working full time at a decent paying job, and my FH is a pizza delivery driver haha (Thankfully only about 2-4 more months of that 🙌🏻). I’m also working towards my masters degree and as long as I can find someone to hire me, I will likely ALWAYS make more than him (since the military pays like garbage). Best of luck to you guys!

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Something similar happened to me! I went from 173 to 140 after losing what I called my 'relationship weight' from when I first started dating DH. My coworker was helping me with something at my desk and started looking at my pictures. She said something along the lines of wow, you did lose a lot of weight, huh? When you fist started here I thought you were pregnant because you had a big belly, but I didn't want to ask because you never ask a woman if she's pregnant. I was so shocked offended... like wth?!

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My MIL is a workaholic, like, works Saturdays and couldn't put her phone down on vacation because of work. I decided I wanted to follow my mom's footsteps and work part-time, 4 days a week intsead of 5 so I could clean the house, grocery shop, etc. on my one day off so weekends would be free to do someting fun. My DH totally supports this, but I know my MIL HATES it. Sorry I prefer a work-life balance and don't want to spend my life working every second!

View Quoted Comment That would have startled me, too. If you show him in the way you treat him every day, that you love and respect him, not calling him Sweetpie or Pooky are not necessary.

View Quoted Comment My father told me at about 12 that I needed to stop waiting for my mom or grandmother to iron my things. He said, you will never be able to maintain a professional appearance when you need to , if you look like rumpled bedclothes because you do not have time to take clothes out for simple things that take 5 minutes.
What a difference. He made a point of teaching my brothers to iron, do buttons, laundry. Be self sufficient.

View Quoted Comment Not exactly the same thing. In my case it was clearly, no man will marry you if you can't iron well enough. He never said anything to my Brother or his Son about this. I learned at an early age to take care of a household, cook, clean and had been ironing clothes for a long while before that comment. I never waited for anyone to do anything for me. Not everyone's experience is the same.

View Quoted Comment Yes, the attitudes behind it are different as night and day.

My mom cheated on my dad for YEARS (and knew that I knew) so when I got married she knew better than to offer advice!

"Don't let him do too much of the cooking, it is still a woman's role, and any man would get upset if he had to a woman's role often"

Not my mom but my grandma. I love my grandma, but she truly is from a different time.

My mom told me whatever I do, don't gain weight.

Um, no offense, but your mom's advice is terrible. If my mom dared to say anything so offensive to me I'd probably cuss her out and not talk to her for a good long while. Our families may not be perfect, but at least anything they've ever said to us has been supportive.

Not specific to a wedding, but my mom always told me I should buy dresses that "feel nice to touch" so that it feels nice for your partner when they hold you close while dancing. She was never a big fan of heavy beading or sequins or other scratchy material. Kind of weird, I guess, but I definitely found myself thinking "oh this material feels really nice" or "the beading on this one is so bumpy" when I was trying on wedding dresses.

The best piece of advice I received came from a great aunt many moons ago(I have been married 33 years). She was an awesome women. She told me to never marry a man for his teeth or hair for they will be gone, but rather for his heart so we can always be in love, then she went on to say and what is between his legs is good for a happy marriage also. To this day I still bust out laughing about that conversation. She also told me on my wedding day to never ever go to bed mad at each other.

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That is really funny. A kind and well meaning sentiment, but funny!

One can really see the generational changes over the years!