When are people officially engaged?

I didn't consider myself officially engaged until he asked me to marry him. We had talks before about what kind of wedding we'd want but it was all just talk until he asked that question.

This is subjective. If you're planning your lives together and decide a wedding is right for you, you're engaged. Others think it involves a clear "will you marry me"; "yes". Others think a ring is necessary.

I'm one of those that believe you don't need a ring or a "Will you marry me?" to be engaged, all that's needed is 2 people on the same page that this is what they want and plans to start forming.

My FH and I had many talks about it but then had one very serious one and picked a date that we'd like he didn't get me a ring until a few months later but our date wAs already set at my dream venue so I considered us engaged even when I hadn't had a ring.

I'd say for me we talked about it but I wouldn't have counted it as "official" until either a: a ring, b: a real solid date or c: telling friends and family you are getting married. Everything else is just feeling it out talk.

I'd say that someone asks, someone answers 'yes'. "Would you marry me", is a hypothetical question; it's not the same as, "Will you marry me?"

But ultimately, it's up to the couple.

FH and I knew we wanted to be married and had detailed discussions about my e-ring. We even went to the jeweler together. However, I didn't know when the ring would come in or when he would pick it up. So for me, it was when he asked me, with the ring, to marry him. I supposed it's different for everyone though! You're engaged when you agree to be engaged.

I agree with Celia. Doesn't need to include a ring, but an ask and answer for me is important.

@og Alecia I would have considered you engaged if you had book vendors and told family etc before a ring as ye had made the decision and put it in motion. In general the ring is just a nice token to follow the decision.

@anastasia I agree with you.

I know two people who never had engagement rings, they just announced to friends/family they were getting married and started planning the wedding. They were as engaged as I was when I went shopping with DH for my engagement ring. He proposed with my mothers engagement ring while we were away for a few days, as he wanted me to pick my own. In the 24hrs it took me to pick out the ring we had told everyone!

I guess it's when people throw in the words "not officially" engaged that gets me, as surely once the decision is made you are! But then everyone does think differently and it would be a boring world if we all thought the same.

I have strong feelings about this one and it's an unpopular opinion here. Amongst my friends and family, it would be very odd and not considered "real" without a ring. When FH and I were dating and had already gone ring shopping, we went to Vegas with 3 other couples. FH spent several hours one night talking to me about eloping while we were there and asked if I'd marry him and all of that. I feel like amongst the WW members, that would be considered engaged. I never once considered us engaged based on that night, and we got actually engaged 4 months later (ring, down on one knee, a proposal, with my parents permission... not a convo in Vegas.)

I know people on here considered themselves engaged without a ring, but I personally don't know anyone in real life who does. Everyone I know who is married or engaged has a ring.

I think there needs to be many conversation about "what would happen if we were married" before actually deciding to get engaged. I think people are officially engaged when a formal question and answer has been decided, and they decide a wedding is upcoming in the (relatively) near future.

The "not officially engaged" for us, was that we had talked about getting married, and we both knew that was what we wanted, but we were not ready to be engaged and all the responsibilities associated with that.

Over our 16 year relationship we talked about getting married one day and some of those conversations were more serious than others. But we didn't consider ourselves engaged until he asked me to marry him with a ring.

Ring isn't necessary...I was proposed to sans ring. For me, it's the actual question "will you marry me". My parents have been living together for 7 years. We (all kids) live/lived there. They split the bills. But they aren't engaged or married or plan to be. But they plan on spending the rest of their lives together. To me, the difference is the question and clear intent

So, we agreed to get married ("hey, let's get married in 2017!" "Okay, let's do it!") back in 2015, we contacted vendors, and we actually booked our venue.

But H hadn't bought an engagement ring yet, so we didn't consider ourselves "officially" engaged and we didn't announce our engagement until he had bought the ring.

A lot of people don't think an engagement is "real" without the ring. This is stupid, of course, but we didn't want to have to explain ourselves to random family and friends, so we waited to announce until we had it.

When one person asks another person if they want to get married.

I don't think there needs to be a ring or even a big fancy grand gesture. But the conversation definitely needs to be had in my opinion.

Once someone asks the question. I have heard stories where people have "talked about getting married one day" and then one of the two goes out and starts to research but no proposal ever happens or question gets asked and they break up. I definitely think there needs to be an ask or answer or conversation of some sort with a mutually agreed about with "okay we are now engaged."

H and I discussed getting married for about a year before he asked. We already lived together for a year and a 1/2. I didn't consider us engaged until he actually asked the question and I said yes. He gave me my e-ring at that time as well.

FH and I had our venue picked out and discussed what we wanted in a wedding a lot. I didn't consider us engaged until the actual propsal (parents blessing, down on knee with a ring).

I suppose we fall into the "engaged before we were engaged" camp. Lol. One day we decided that we wanted to get married this year, and boom. We started looking at venues. We booked both our ceremony and reception venues before telling anyone that we were engaged. FH really wanted to buy me a ring and formally ask me before we announced it to anybody.

It might've been a little backwards, but it worked for us.

I think that's up the couple. My "official" engagement was when we picked up the rings we picked together and FH put the ring on my finger while driving down the road and said "you're stuck with me!" I said ok an that was that. No romantic proposal, no yes, no surprise. I'm very happy the way we did it. It was our style.

I don't understand why people think there has to be a certain way of being officially engaged?

My FH and I knew after six months that we would get married (we had several long conversations) but we didn't count ourselves as engaged until he proposed a few months later.

Almost exactly the same story as @DeNigris. In fact I just posted about being "officially officially engaged", because although I considered us to be engaged as soon as we decided to get married, we weren't publicly engaged until this weekend when he put a ring on it. Our families knew, and considered us engaged, but now I get to tell the world! So, I guess it's a blurry line.