When are people officially engaged?

I would say you are engaged when there has been an agreement to get married.

People have asked me when H and I got engaged, and I don't actually have an answer for them. I remember exactly where we were--driving on a certain road--but not exactly when. We were talking about the future and we mutually decided it was time to set a date and we agreed that we would start looking at rings together. We found one we love, he ordered it, we had to wait what felt like ages for it to be delivered, restored, and resized. (It's an antique.) When it was finally ready to be worn that's when we announced the news to people--not because it wasn't "official" before then, but because it was fun to be able to show off the ring when people inevitably asked.

FH said "we should get married" one month into dating and i liked that idea and knew he was serious. But we did not tell people our plans/talk about it/plan anything until that ring was on my finger. A ring is not necessary to be engaged but i at least needed some kind of proposal (not over the top or super grand, just something simple and sweet) and an announcement to our friends and family.

When one person asks and the other says yes. That, to me is when it's official.

.

We just decided together after talking about it. There was no official proposal or ring involved. We were both like "let's get married" and we started planning.

FH and I talked a lot about getting married in the three years before he proposed, he even talked about the ring I was getting! But I didn't consider us officially engaged until he asked

We are planning our wedding. The ring is purchased and being custom made but the proposal hasn't happened. So we consider ourselves engaged but not publically engaged. Our close friends and family know but I'm not shouting it from the rooftops until after the proposal.

Two adults are perfectly capable of having a conversation and *mutually* making a decision to get married and then start planning a wedding. They are NOT any LESS engaged than a couple that takes the traditional route of a proposal and a ring. It is ridiculous to think that you *need* a proposal (question and answer) and a ring to be engaged. That isn't any more true than saying you need a big white dress and a fancy ballroom to get married. You don't.

I don't know, or care, how popular it is. I would need to know, without a doubt, what moment it happened, and probably because it's generational for me, I would absolutely expect a very specific proposal of marriage, a moment to respond, and a ring of fine quality. I could never begin shopping for venues and vendors without all three aspects and some kind of timeline.

Others will disagree, but each of us are masters of our own lives and have our own requirements and rituals. That's mine.

About 2 years into our relationship we started mentioning our futures together here and there, at 3 years I ask him if he was planning on marrying me and he said yes, and at a little over 4.5 years he officially asked me. I didn't require a ring (thought I got an AMAZINGLY PERFECT one), but I did not, could not, would not consider us engaged until there was an official proposal.

Between the affirmation that I wasn't wasting my time and when he actually proposed I mostly just daydreamed and went wild on Pinterest

Similar to Stephanie V. We talked about getting married 1 year into the relationship. We got more and more serious about it and even had a season and year in mind. But I didn't consider myself engaged until 5 years in when he formally got down on one knee and asked with a ring.

While that's definitely not required to be engaged, it's when I felt engaged.

We had a months-long period of discussing the ins and outs of married life and wedding details before I proposed. I got some snark here about how if we had agreed to get married we were engaged, but neither of us was ready to call ourselves engaged until there had been an official proposal.

When there is a question from one person and an answer from the other.

This is a really interesting question. For us, we both knew we wanted to get married eventually and would daydream about our wedding and our future. My FH is really bad at keeping secrets, and one day he let slip he'd bought a ring. This made it a little more concrete, and we starting dreaming up actual wedding plans, but even then I didn't consider us engaged. Most people probably would, but I just kept joking I was "engaged to be engaged." I didn't consider it official until he actually pulled out the ring and proposed. The turning point was having a ring and being able to tell friends and family. After this we set a date and started officially booking vendors instead of daydreaming.

Ultimately it's up to each couple and how they define it. I think for me it was the switch from "someday" to "this day."

Once he asks even if there is no ring you are engaged. If you just talk about it and he doesn't say "will you marry me?" You are not engaged

I think that if you have picked a date, have a ring, or have made real set wedding plans you're engaged.

I think people are officially engaged whenever they decide they're officially engaged.

I think it really depends on the two people in the relationship. Some couples may feel secure with planning a wedding without a ring or formal proposal, while others may need the spoken agreement and physical ring to move forward with planning. One of my bridesmaids has actually been "engaged" (ring+proposal) for a few years yet they have made no effort toward planning a wedding. She explained to me that while they are committed to each other with the ring and such they do not plan to move forward until they have their own house. I couldn't understand that because if it were me at that point I wouldn't be looking to have a big wedding, but a courthouse ceremony would work just so I could marry the man I love and not procrastinate getting married. It was hard for me to understand how they feel, but it is true that every couple has a different relationship dynamic. In her situation, she considers herself committed but not "official" because they do not intend to plan anything anytime soon.

I nervously blurted out, "What would you think of the idea of us getting married." She said yes. I asked if she wanted an engagement ring, and she said no. I said I didn't want one either. At that point, we told everyone we were engaged.

Honestly, I have never seen the point of the big formal proposals. If you don't know what the answer will be, you're setting yourself up for embarrassment. If you do know what the answer will be, you're already engaged and don't need a proposal.

We had a date picked, venue chosen and our honeymoon booked a month before FH proposed.

(He's horrible at keeping secrets and told me he had a ring and was going to propose in the coming weeks lol)

We did it that way because we knew we wanted November of this year and we wanted plenty of time to plan. So in my personal experience you don't need a ring or actual proposal..you just need to be on the same page and having the conversations. I will say though we didn't tell anyone our plans until FH officially proposed.