When are people officially engaged?

My FH and talked about getting married. Obviously we wanted to be in the same page. But I think being engaged for me means being asked a clear question and there was an answer of yes from someone and then planning wedding. I have a friend who was proposed to last year and doesn't have a date yet and wants to wait a few years she says she doesn't feel engaged because she's not actively preparing a wedding. So it's different for everyone.

Ring isn't necessary. Imo a question needs to be asked and answered.

Think about high school boyfriends/girlfriends (not the high school sweethearts that are still together). Just because you both thought you'd marry each other & talk about life when you're married or have kids etc, didn't mean you were engaged, did it?

I never fantasized about a wedding, but I always fantasized about getting proposed to, and that was one of the happiest moments of my life. But FH and I bought the ring TOGETHER, a month before he actually proposed. I wouldn't have considered myself engaged then. I didn't need a ring, but I needed a proposal -- even something casual. I don't understand how people say that there doesn't need to be a question and answer, because FH and I talked a lot about marriage before the proposal but we weren't "engaged."

And if you say that planning a wedding makes you engaged, well, I got proposed to in December of 2016 and didn't start planning until July of this year. I wasn't any less engaged then, either.

I don't think you need a ring to be considered engaged, but I do find it really odd when couples are "kind of engaged" and actively plan their wedding but then one of them "officially" proposes later on. That has always really confused me. To me, it's like, what's the rush? Why not wait till an actual proposal comes (ring or no ring)? Or if a couple knows they want a certain date and start planning, why does there still need to be an elaborate proposal later on? In my opinion, it's moot at that point. Once you're engaged, no matter how you decide to be, you're engaged. That might be an UO, but it just baffles me.

There was one girl on here who I believe is getting married this month or already has and has been waiting for the past year for her FH to "officially" propose to her. She wrote that, at this point, she didn't think he'd actually do it before they got married! That just blew my mind. I get if a guy wants it to be more elaborate than just a conversation, but what the hell was taking him so long!? The thought of that was totally ridiculous to me.

I didn't consider we were engaged until he got down on one knee and asked me. Did I know we were going to get married, yes, we've talked about it for so long. We would talk about who we would invite to the wedding, what colors we wanted but we didn't plan anything until we were actually engaged.

I don't consider myself officially engaged because FH didn't do a proposal nor do I have a ring to show for it. Eventhough we are planning and have a date set it was just a mutual conversation where we said let's get married. I'm not saying a ring is necessary but HE wants to do the official proposal with a ring.

We were officially engaged when he got down on one knee with a a gorgeous ring and I said yes.

This thread makes me feel a lot better.

FH and I have been best friends for almost ten years now, have been dating for six years, and have been engaged for a month or so now. For quite a while now we knew the plan was that we'd move back to where I'm from (Louisiana; we're currently living in Washington but in separate homes) and we'd be married one day. It was just kind of known. We had talked about it all, we wanted the same things, etc.

We were in New Orleans this August and he officially popped the question. I'm not gunna lie, I don't actually remember what I said because it came out of me so instinctually, I didn't even have to think about it. But for a couple days I thought something was wrong with me because I didn't feel different. I was happy, obviously, but I felt the same.

I had decided that I felt the same because nothing had actually changed. Before the ring and the big proposal I still knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he felt the same way and no matter what we were making big plans to move away from our families together. We both have talked about having children and adopting and all of the other big conversations one has with their SO.

For me, while I do consider us officially engaged because of the ring and the formality, it didn't make me feel any more engaged than I did prior to it.

My FH and I started talking about getting married within a week after we started talking. After a few months we had had in-depth conversations about getting married. Just after month 4 we went to our second jeweler and I found my dream ring. It was right before that, that I started wearing a promise ring that he had given me. Even though I was wearing a silicone ring I did not consider myself engaged. When he asked me and I said yes- that is when I considered myself engaged.

But that's just my opinion.

I say if you are planning a wedding, looking at venues, dresses, etc. then you are officially engaged. If you are planning your wedding and there hasn't been a mutual decision to get married, that's just creepy.

At some point in our relationship, marriage became less of an "if" and more of a "when." We already lived together, we got a dog, and his mom called had been calling me her daughter in law for a few years.

I didn't consider myself engaged until he did the down on one knee thing.

I tend to lean on you are not "officially"engaged until someone asks a serious propose or a venue booked.

Couples can talk and plan a hypothetical wedding but it's not a serious commitment yet until there is a venue or proposal.

We've been talking about it for a long time (been together for 14 years) but when, as a PP said, we actually had that "hey, we're close to where we said we wanted to be by the time we wanted to get married so what do you say if we do it" and "yeah... let's do it!" is when it felt we were truly engaged, although it certainly felt more "real" after we told my parents, his dad and siblings, even though we already had a pretty good idea of what we wanted (the only thing we changed of our inicial idea is the color of my BM's dresses and the fact that we won't be using a prop cake)

I feel like myself and FH have been engaged for a long time. We have been talking about marriage for years. While it felt official to us, it was official "to others" when he asked me to marry him

I had to clarify my requests, since we had dated so long and I never thought it would happen! I had to tell him what I wanted (a dirtbike) and I wanted a surprise!!!