When family feuds mean people miss the big day

My mom and dad have been divorced for as long as I remember, haven't seen or talked to each other in 14 years, and absolutely hate each other's guts. I live in Arizona with my dad and stepmom while my mom lives in Ohio. My parents here threatened not to come if my mom was invited... I feel your pain.

My mother is a Narcissist and possibly bipolar. I have no idea what she has said to her side of the family (the family I was close to growing up), but I do know she has lied about me.

I'm struggling with inviting her - I'm certainly not involving her with the wedding planning.

It sucks all around when there's drama and toxicity. I'm so sorry.

Both my FH and I aren't inviting family members on either one of our mother's sides. His mother's side has a long history of alcohol abuse and basically wrote him off after his mother died for some BS reason.

My mother has started to distance herself from her family after her mom died a couple of years ago. There was a falling out between her and her sister over some personal matters. My mom is perfectly fine with me not inviting my aunt and cousins because she knows what kind of drama they will bring to the wedding.

While I may not know exactly how you feel, I do know the feeling of not having someone there you thought you were once close to at one point in your life.

Honestly I forgot to add my aunt to our guest list for like two months. She’s still not invited anyway after the stunt she pulled. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and my parents advocated a nursing home due to the level of supervision needed. My aunt said she could handle it. Our issues laid in that she is a hoarder, has a cpap machine, and is a doctor. So if my grandmother fell at night, my aunt wouldn’t hear her for hours and when emergency services came in, they would not be able to attend to her if she was even home because she might be at work herself. Well she fell and broke her hip and the strokes started. So yeah. Then sent my father a certified letter requesting he give up his inheritance to her because of how difficult and expensive it was apparently to care for her. Since I was a child, she had always been money oriented and coercing my grandmother to pay for this or that or this new venture. Dad lost it, literally blew a gasket when that letter came in.
We also have three divorced parties we are inviting and have to put down that no casual plus ones are going out like to dads new girlfriend or the guy his aunts dating or his sisters boyfriend that honestly and 100% is ruining her life. One because of venue size and two so we can eliminate drama.

Ladies all the best to ypu trying to navigate the waters and everyone’s bs. Cheers.

I know family issues can be a beast to deal with. Depending on how close you are to the rest of your family you can sit them down and explain to them that this is you day and all of them are important to you. Ask them if they would be willing to avoid each other for the night for the sake of YOUR wedding. Seat them apart from each other etc. Sometimes in special circumstances people are willing to put their feuds aside for an evening and act like reasonable adults...sometimes

It does suck when there's drama and toxicity. My mother (also narcissistic and an alcoholic) and father have refused to be a part of any of the wedding plans and attend my wedding because they do not approve of my choice or spouse or the fact that I moved in with him. My extended family is caught in the middle and don't know what to do because they don't want to offend my parents but they are also really happy for me. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. But I at least won't hold a grudge if they don't show. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with family drama - it is definitely not fun and ruins what is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. Stay strong and do what is best for you!