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Beginner December 2019

When “friends” don’t rsvp

Stephanie, on October 1, 2019 at 5:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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This is a half question half rant. I have 3 friends whom I used to be very close with. Over the years we grew apart, 2 of them are single and one of them is now in a newer relationship. I have been with my FH for 5 years so our interests began to differ but there was no real falling out. I found out that 2 of those girls aren’t coming to my bachelorette and one never responded to my sister who is planning it. Nobody reached out and told me directly, but I let it go. Fast forward 1 girl is coming to my shower and 2 have yet to rsvp to my mom who is planning it. I really feel as though 2 of them, especially the one not rsvp’ing even a no to anything just do not care. Which is fine, if that’s how you feel. But do I need to stick my neck out again and invite them to the wedding? I feel I am 1. Wasting invitations and stamps and 2. Setting myself up for disappointment. I must be pretty damn low on their list to not even get a no or a sorry I won’t be there. I would rather take what’s left of my pride and not give them the option to disregard me again. Am I wrong?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on October 3, 2019 at 11:54 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 1, 2019 at 5:31 PM
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Inviting them to pre-wedding events and excluding them from the wedding makes you the rude one, not them. People suck at RSVPing. You're going to learn that very quickly. Even more so when it comes to less significant events like bachelorette parties and showers. People forget, they think it's not important, they forget, whatever. Either way, two wrongs don't make a right. They should receive wedding invitations.
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on October 1, 2019 at 5:34 PM
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Anyone invited to pre-wedding events should be invited to the wedding. I agree with Caytlyn, people suck at RSVPing. They just don't know how to do it anymore, or that it is still needed. It is frustrating when people don't respond, and I totally get your desire to not waste any more stamps on someone who can't even be bothered with a response. But that makes her rude, not you. Don't follow in her footsteps.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on October 1, 2019 at 5:47 PM
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I totally see how you're upset though because it sucks when people can't just RSVP ! I would invite them to the wedding still but stress that theyre really going to have to RSVP or else they're legitimately counted as a no as a no response
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Savvy June 2020
Maude · on October 1, 2019 at 5:48 PM
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I have had this problem before also. The best advice I can give is to personally reach out to them. It’s always better to clear up any miscommunication before you go to assumptions and make a decision that may cause unneeded tension. So maybe ask them privately and politely if they are just a little behind in their rsvping for things or if they just genuinely don’t feel comfortable with being a part of your plans and wedding day. Most people will be honest if prompted to explain themselves first. Wish you the best! Sorry that these things put a damper on the fun.
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Beginner December 2019
Stephanie · on October 1, 2019 at 5:57 PM
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That’s the thing. I think they want to be counted as no’s without replying bc they feel guilty. Basically being cowards.
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on October 1, 2019 at 7:01 PM
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I would still invite them honestly. I dont necessarily consider pre wedding events requirements to attend the wedding.
Does it suck they didn't RSVP? Sure.
If you're mad about these 2, just wait until you have to follow up with a bunch of guests for their RSVPs.
And calling them cowards...I'm not sure who's being a worse friend.
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on October 1, 2019 at 9:18 PM
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I have a handful of friends who won't RSVP for anything. They just show up. People really suck at RSVPing. But they may just not be able to make the pre wedding events but still plan on coming to the wedding. You should never invite someone to the pre wedding events if you're not inviting them to the wedding
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on October 1, 2019 at 11:04 PM
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Invite them to the wedding. Even if they rsvp no or don’t respond, it’s not really costing you anything to be a decent friend. Unfortunately you can’t do anything to change their end of the friendship. If they ghost you on your wedding, you’ll know where you stand with them.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 1, 2019 at 11:34 PM
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Some people are just really bad at RSVPing. I had to reach out to so many people for wedding RSVPs, most of whom were a "yes" and were just too lazy to get around to it. I really wouldn't take it personally. A lack of an RSVP usually has more to do with the person being a little scatterbrained and less to do with how they feel about the event/person. And, as others have said, if you invite them to the pre-wedding events, it is rude to not invite them to the main event.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on October 2, 2019 at 2:46 AM
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People don't rsvp for lots of reasons, they're busy, they forget, they can't come and it slips their minds, or they figure since they can't make it, why respond. I've known lots of people who do the last reason. Most people feel like only the "yes" responses matter. Yes, they should still get an invitation. No, you shouldn't call your "friends" cowards, that's not nice. Especially if you have yet to reach out to them. As others have mentioned, reach out to them and talk to them.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 2, 2019 at 11:21 AM
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My mom had to reach out to 10 people for my shower, that didn't RSVP. We had 61 people not RSVP to our wedding. Some of them annoyed me, like how hard is it to RSVP? We made it so easy. Instead of being mad/annoyed, I just assumed they were super busy & didn't think about it. I don't think not inviting them to your wedding is an option since they were invited to prewedding events.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on October 3, 2019 at 11:54 AM
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Unfortunately you have to invite them to the wedding because you've invited them to all of the pre-wedding events.

I would just let it go at this point 1 stamp and invite surely won't break the bank and then you're not feeding into the drama.
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