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Just Said Yes February 2019

When is it okay to fire a Bridesmaid?

Paige, on May 7, 2018 at 8:09 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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Okay so some back story.
I asked my future sister in law to be one of my Bridesmaids in my wedding which she accepted, but ever since then the only thing I have stressed about this wedding is her.
1. When i picked my wedding date she complained because she is still a student in college and its not the most convinient. (Wedding day is a friday in Florida coming from Maryland)
2. Went an picked out bridesmaid dresses and had a huge hit because she couldnt afford it ($150 but her dad already told her that he was paying for it)
3. Started working on the bachelorette party, first option she said she couldnt afford. We change plans completly. Now planning something with no airfare and no hotel stay.
4. Picked a date for the bachelorette party (the weekend after her 21st bday) asked her if she was okay with it and she said yes! It will be fun!
5. Continutes to complain how we are all ruining her birthday because of my bachelorette party. We have told her she does not need to go if she didnt want to.
6. I am flying my hair dresser down to do my hair for the wedding and my girls hair as well. My future siste in law has decided to go behind my back and find someone else to do her and one of my other bridesmaids hair. This girl who she has doing her hair is suppose to do my make up.

Really need some advice! Thank you in advance!! PS she has already purchased her dress what would i do about that? It has not come in they placed the order last week for the dress.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on February 3, 2021 at 6:48 PM
  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
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    None of this is really a red flag to me. And "firing" your future sister in law is a bad move for you. Don't do it. Stop trying to accommodate her, and just let her know you love her and understand if she can't make it to your bachelorette. She is under no obligation to use your hairdresser and the idea she "went behind your back" just feels kind of high school because literally, it's a hair stylist we're talking about. Why does it matter? It's her hair.

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  • OrangeCrush
    Super October 2017
    OrangeCrush ·
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    If you want to ruin the relationship forever, then go ahead. But this girl is marrying your brother or you are marrying her brother and this will make all gatherings very uncomfortable. You can't fire her, as she is not your employee. I am going to say something very common here on WW: No one cares about your wedding as much as you.

    Don't worry about who is doing hair and makeup - look at it as one less thing for you to do!

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  • P
    Just Said Yes February 2019
    Paige ·
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    Thank you for your feedback!
    I only listed some of the more recent things she has done.
    i guess I am just tired of it because she is the only reason I have stressed out over my wedding. She is the type of person who needs to have all the attention on herself. She ruined my engagement party because she got hammered and started crying and made me sit in the bathroom with her half of the night. When I tried to leave she would scream. She got hammered and brought her own mimosa into the bridal shop when I was picking out my dress.
    there had just been several occurrences and I am more worried that the day of the wedding she will try to make it about herself if that makes any sense at all. My FH has next to no relationship with her because she never talks to us at all.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Don't fire her. She's your FSIL. That will just cause more drama and stress than keeping her will. Just lower the communication to the necessary stuff and be very clear. Don't let her get to you. That's what she wants.

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  • Cindy
    Savvy September 2019
    Cindy ·
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    I read your post because I am also having problems with a bridesmaid. It is such a difficult situation. When you are asked to be a bridesmaid you should do everything in your power to make it about the bride and when you start trying to make it about yourself is when I just can't take it. I would try having a conversation first saying hey I asked to be apart of my wedding to help celebrate my day with my FH. This job is going to require you to do things my way even though you may disagree but the day is about me and my husband. This is our event if you would like the responsibilities of a bridesmaid and to help be in the celebration you will need to follow these guidelines. If you really don't want to do that I completely understand and you are no obligated to be a bridesmaid.

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  • P
    Just Said Yes February 2019
    Paige ·
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    Hi Sydney!

    That at is exactly what we are doing! Hoping it goes well. Not an easy conversation to have at all! Hope all goes well with you!
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  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen ·
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    If this was any other bridesmaid my advice would probably be different but she is your FSIL and will be a member of your family for years to come. She is younger and more immature. For sure don't fire her as that is something that will stick with you for the rest of your relationship. At the same time stop accommodating her every wish. I would try to move forward with just the necessary contact until the wedding.

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  • April
    Dedicated September 2018
    April ·
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    I was in the EXACT situation.

    Perhaps have a sit down with her and tell her that you dont want to interfere with her plans and budget so perhaps it would relieve her schedule if she wasnt a bridesmaid.

    Put it in a way that will benefit her not to be a bridesmaid.

    i did that (reverse psychology!) it worked for me hopefully you get it figured out also!
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  • Kaitlyn
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Kaitlyn ·
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    Reading this for my own advice as I plan a wedding in two months. Really curious what ended up happening?!

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Something that will help you with a person like this - you are not responsible for her behavior.
    If she screams if you leave a room? She’s the one who looks like a jerk. Don’t engage.
    If she complains about the bachelorette ruining her birthday? “It’s optional, no worries” and change the subject. The hair situation? Verify with the other bridesmaid if she actually wants the other stylist. If you’ve contracted with the stylist for your makeup, confirm with her that your contract was first and that your SILs hair won’t interfere. If it does, look for a new makeup stylist - it’s not about your SIL, it’s about the timeline. She shows up drunk somewhere? Responsible adults don’t do that - call her mom or dad and tell them she’s drunk and needs a ride home. You’re not her minder. Don’t engage. She feeds on the drama.
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