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Savvy June 2021

When to ask wedding party?

Jerrica, on February 10, 2021 at 7:41 PM Posted in Planning 0 14
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Hello! Our wedding is scheduled for December 4th, 2021. I already know who I plan on asking to be bridesmaids, my two sisters and his only sister. All three of them live in different states and would have to travel for the wedding, plus have to go on their own to get bridesmaid dresses. They are all also new or currently expecting mothers, so money is tight. I plan on selecting a bridemaid dress from a big chain store and giving them all the money for their dresses so as to not put them out for my wedding. But with their traveling expenses, probably hotel stays, and the stress of being new mommies in a COVID world, when should I ask? I want to give them plenty of notice so they can try and plan or decline the offer if they are unable. But I don't want to ask really early either. So... when should I ask?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Yasmine, on February 11, 2021 at 4:38 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Do not ask them earlier than 7 months before the wedding. There are countless posts saying why asking earlier than 7 months always backfires with friendships destroyed.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    I would ask them maybe 8-9 months before your wedding! That way, it's not too early, but there's also plenty of time to where no one is rushed. Even if you asked them now, I think it would be totally fine, since it's less than a year until your wedding.
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    Personally I think you can ask now. There shouldn’t be any worry about asking too early and having friendships change by the time of your wedding, since they’re family and not friends you might lose contact with. Furthermore, since it’s a destination for them then the earlier, the better so they can save.
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  • J
    Savvy June 2021
    Jerrica ·
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    Ok, thank you all. I will probably wait just a bit longer and then ask.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Personally, I agree with Anais and strongly disagree with the others. If I were in your position I would ask now. The reason some people advise to wait closer to the 8 or 9-month mark is because friendships can change. However, these don't seem like friendships that will change, because they're your sisters and future SIL! Doesn't sound like you have anything to wait for. Especially given their situation as new moms I'd ask now! For the record, I asked my bridesmaids the day after I got engaged.

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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    IMO I completely disagree with this advice. These are not friendships that might fizzle, these girls are her sisters! Just my two cents. I wouldn't wait any longer, I'd ask now

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  • J
    Savvy June 2021
    Jerrica ·
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    Lol, the back and forth in these responses is why I'm struggling on when to ask. But I think I will just ask them the next time I see them personally.
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    I think you can ask now 🙂 10 months out is very reasonable, especially if you are limiting it to family.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    You’re within the year, you’re fine to ask.


    “Too soon” comes from someone getting engaged, asking their BFF at the moment and then setting a date for 2.5 years later— THOSE relationships are liable to change. Your situation doesn’t sound like that at all. Your wedding is only 10 months out, now is definitely NOT too soon. Even more so with their situations as you’ve described. The sooner the better! (If your wedding wasn’t til 2022, I’d be on board with the “wait it out a bit longer” train )
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  • Aurora
    Savvy December 2021
    Aurora ·
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    So, my wedding date is also 12/4( yay) I would like to have my 3 sisters as bridesmaids but I am waiting to ask 2 of them until probably 6-8 or so months before because even though we're sisters we all have different personalities and clash sometimes. My fear is that my older sister will just not show up because I know how she is. So you know your sisters very well. The other thing with me is that we all live in the same area so they don't have to travel
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  • J
    Savvy June 2021
    Jerrica ·
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    My one sister and I also clash, and there is a chance she won't show, or show up in the wrong dress, etc. I'm well aware of this but I think if she does either it shows more about her than myself so I'm ok with that. I only wanted to postpone asking to avoid any fights or stress. But I think I've decided I would rather give them time to save and plan and if we fight, they are more than welcome to change their mind up until the day of. We won't be dress shopping together and no pre-wedding parties so no need for an answer so soon anyway.
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  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
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    For sisters and SIL, I think 10 months out is completely reasonable!

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  • S
    Savvy November 2021
    Sarah ·
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    My wedding is in November this year and I asked my bridesmaids in December of 2020 because all of them will travel to my wedding from another state. I did a cute bridesmaid proposal and got them their dress (Birdy Gray $49 each, on sale ). My girls were so touched by my gesture and felt they were being appreciated. I think you can ask them now so they can plan ahead. Earlier is better than later.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I definitely would ask now, especially since the wedding is this year and you know their situations
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