When to hold a Jack and Jill Fundraiser

Jack and Jill showers are popular and both parties are invited to this. I have never heard of a Jack and Jill party for a fundraiser for a wedding. Frankly if you can not afford to pay for your wedding then you dont have one. You need to have a wedding that you can afford be it eloping at city hall r a formal event. Please do not invite people to an event to ask for money for your wedding...it is tacky!!

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with all the comments. Spending money you dont have to host a party asking for money literally makes no sense and is beyond tacky.

I talked to my grandmother and she said that as far as Jack and Jill’s go, it would be inappropriate to ask for money. However, holding a Jack and Jill in lieu of a bridal shower would be okay.

View Quoted Comment Holding a party to ask for money is never ok. You can have a coed shower, but not a fundraiser. If you can’t afford to even live on your own why are you spending money on a wedding? Wouldn’t it make more sense to use that money to not live at home with your parents while you’re married than to host parties for yourself? Forget finishing an associates, finish a full degree, move out so you aren't living off of someone else, and then start worrying about everything else. How old are you guys?

View Quoted Comment We’re 21 years old, my fiancé is finishing his associates in communications and then we were hoping to move by then. You guys are absolutely right though, if I can’t afford to do something I shouldn’t do it, or at least, I shouldn’t do it extravagantly. I’ll try to be more careful with my spending and hopefully we’ll have the money for a small wedding.

Samantha, please rethink this. You are not a charity, you are a grown woman who get to pay for her wedding along with her fiance. Plan what you can afford and do not ask people to fund your life choices. You have two years to plan and save.

I vote tacky on the Jack and Jill - hard no from me.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I’m actually thriving from these responses as well as the response from my father and grandmother. I feel like seeing everyone tell me that it’s not a good idea and why it’s not a good idea helps me understand the etiquette of it all! I’m brand new to all this. Thank you all for your help!

View Quoted Comment

Samantha,

You might be my new all-time favorite poster! You asked a question and then have been very open-minded to the responses and advice offered. Good luck to you and your fiance!

Agree with everyone else not to do this. Aside from asking people to fund your wedding, you would also be sort of setting your guest list 2 years early. You couldn't invite people to the fundraiser and not have them expect to be invited to the wedding.

I thing holding a fundraiser for yourself for anything but major illness or a disaster (fire, flood) is really crass. Why should people who work for what they have raise funds for you?. Yes, some people do it, but people do all kinds of disgusting things, does not make them right.

I had never heard of these until I saw postings about them on Wedding Wire. Personally, if I was invited to a party to pay for someone else's wedding, I wouldn't go. The party will cost money, even if it's just a little, so I'd just put that towards the wedding and save what you can. Then that should be your budget. Asking for money in any capacity from your guests is rude and against etiquette. If people gift you money at your wedding, great! Other than that, I wouldn't expect any money to be given to you guys.

I live in MA as well, and while I do think Jack and Jill's are tacky and didn't do one, I have participated in them. To answer your questions, the Jack and Jill's I've gone to have been closer to the wedding, like 3- 6 months out. Essentially getting the couple money before they have to make the final payments to vendors. It sounds like it's something that isn't overly common with your circle. I went to college in Western MA and in my experience it seems more people from the western/central part of the state do them, but it was nothing that I ever heard of (grew up on the Cape) until I was a BM for a friend who had one. Anyone who went that didn't grow up in her town thought it was tacky. So if not a lot of your people throw them, I would suggest thanking your FMIL for the suggestion, but let her know that you are going to skip it. If you are going to still go through with it, I would say wait closer to the wedding date than a year out. Good luck.