When to push for invite responses?

Never contact anyone before the rsvp due date. You collect and tally all the replies in the mailbox on the due date and then start in immediately contacting guests to find out if they are attending or not. Take as many days as you need to get through the list. Do not allow anyone to call you back with a response. If they don’t have an answer either way when you call, mark them as a no.

View Quoted Comment That's the thing, I don't have a due date lol. And it's online rsvp.

View Quoted Comment You need to have a due date of some kind, usually based on catering. For example, my caterer needs final numbers two weeks before my wedding, so my RSVP due date is four weeks before the wedding so I have time to ask anyone I don’t hear back from. A few weeks before the wedding is a pretty common due date.

View Quoted Comment Ok thanks. We'll need to figure it out a little sooner than that but I appreciate it.

View Quoted Comment If you don’t have a due date, you are setting yourself up for disaster and headaches that could easily be avoided. Generally your caterer requires a final headcount roughly 2 or 3 weeks standard before the wedding. Any who require them earlier than 4 weeks is a red flag because no guests can commit earlier than 4 weeks.


You have a buffer of a week to contact any stray replies so the reply due date is 7 days before the deadline for the catering headcount. This is the same whether you have paper or online rsvps.

View Quoted Comment I don't have a caterer. The only person I've hired for anything is the photographer. Everything else we're doing is DIY or family and none of them have talked to me about this.
I'm not looking for serious formal etiquette here, just a general guideline on when to ask people to consider doing the rsvp.
I'm sending out invites this early due to the fact the rest of the month I've picked for my wedding is filling up with other weddings super fast.

View Quoted Comment Are you DIYing food for your wedding? If so, I think it's reasonable to ask people to RSVP by around 3-4 weeks before your wedding so that you can get everything figured out. When you reach out to those who haven't RSVP'd, I would definitely give them a specific deadline to reply by, otherwise you'll likely be chasing some people down until the day of your wedding. Something along the lines of, "Hey! We haven't received your RSVP for our wedding yet, so we wanted to reach out and remind you that we will need a reply by [date] to make sure we have enough food for everyone. We look forward to hearing from you, and we hope that you're able to attend!" If you don't hear from them by the deadline, I'd maybe send one more reminder, and then if still no response, let them know that since you haven't heard from them, you are assuming that they are not attending.

View Quoted Comment Yes we are. Between us and my fiancés parents, we're doing all the food.
Thank you! I'll give people more time and will start asking about a month prior to the wedding.

Is your wedding in September? People haven't RSVPed yet because they won't be able to know their plans this far in advance. You should have waited until July to send invites.

For a September wedding, you should send Save the Dates around March, and wedding invitations beginning-mid July, with a RSVP deadline 2-3 weeks before your wedding date. Once that deadline has passed, you can start contacting those who haven’t responded.

View Quoted Comment I personally know of 3 other weddings in September people I know plan to attend. I wasn't waiting any longer for someone else to plan the same weekend as me.

I got an answer I needed, which isn't about when to send out invites. I have a few reasons for giving them out when I did.
Thanks.

View Quoted Comment I think that's a good plan! Also, I just noticed that your wedding is in September - I would definitely wait until 3-4 weeks before your wedding before reaching out to those who haven't RSVP'd, and not contact anyone about it before then. Many people may not know their plans for September at this time, and might be unable to commit to attending until time gets closer. You could maybe send out a new invitation in July or August just to those who you haven't heard from by then? It's possible that your invitation that you already sent might get misplaced, or people may have assumed that the first invitation was a Save The Date, so the new invitation would be a good reminder to RSVP. I would also put a specific RSVP deadline on the new invitations too. People should be able to know whether they can commit to attending around a month or two ahead of time.

This is actually what save the dates are for- to make people aware of your wedding date so they do not make plans for that weekend. Unfortunately, sending wedding invitations that soon means people may either A. confuse them with a STD and assume an invitation is coming at the regular time, so not RSVP
Or B. Misplace the invitation/forget about it completely because they were sent so early.
Most people cannot commit to an event 8 months in advance. And if they do RSVP yes now, they may have to end up taking it back if something else comes up they have to/would rather attend. If you haven’t already sent out invites, I would highly suggest not doing so until July. Send out save the dates at this point. If you have already sent out the invitations, you should probably plan on having to send out RSVP reminders a week or 2 before the RSVP deadline, because people are likely to forget between now and then. I would also double check with anyone who RSVP’s 3 months or longer before your wedding, just to make sure they actually still plan to attend.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I really appreciate this response.
A lot of people pushed for invites already and have made it seem like I should have done them even sooner. I've never really heard of save the dates and didn't realize how useful they are at first.
Invites are already all out, so I'll be sure to just send out reminders closer to the date.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! I'll send reminders with all the same info much closer to the date.
So many people made it seem like I was behind on all this. But after a few responses here, I looked more into it (which I should've done before invites lol) and now I'm realizing my mistake.
I appreciate it.

Well our wedding is in May and I started the pre-rsvp process in August using a google form. I needed to get a approximate guest count In November I mailed the Save the Dates and asked for a pre-confirmation using our website. In March I will mail invitations which are stamped and ready to go. My approach completely defies convention, but I chose this route to accommodate for international travel and because this wedding event is costing a fortune. So far the numbers have been consistent.

View Quoted Comment Helpful...I read this because I had the same question as the original poster and I'm taking your advice on this too lol

I definitely agree with the idea of sending a reminder and having an rsvp date on those. Seems the most practical. And I'd say your photographer that's doing the planning will be flexible with you and your numbers...talk to hee and explain how you're feeling about it.