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Cece
Rockstar October 2023

When your officiant is a stranger…

Cece, on August 24, 2021 at 8:55 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 19
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Is anyone else having a stranger officiate your wedding? That is, not an officiant from your church, friend, family, acquaintance, etc… just someone you’d never met prior, that you hired to officiate. If so, will you be inviting them to your reception??
We are having a destination wedding and hired an officiant there. Aside from a Zoom meeting that will happen 2 months out, we will not meet this person until the day of our rehearsal. We will of course be inviting them and their SO to the rehearsal dinner, but is it expected of us to also invite them to our reception? Space is limited, and doing so will throw off my seating chart. Plus, I couldn’t imagine it would be that much fun to attend a reception for people who are essentially strangers, and be forced to sit and talk with more strangers. However, I don’t want to be rude and not invite these people if it is expected of me to do.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on August 24, 2021 at 5:05 PM
  • April
    Dedicated September 2021
    April ·
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    We hired someone thru wedding wire that we had never met and it’s been great. We’ve been in touch via email and face time and will actually meet in person the day of the wedding. I did ask him initially if he required a meal and would be joining us for the reception. He politely declined. It’s better to just be straight forward and ask. It’s their job and I’m sure that comes up a lot.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Etiquette say yes but I don't really agree. I saw an article that was like yes you should and sit them with your close family but I feel like that would be SUPER awkward. You can invite and hope they don't stay lol but I wouldn't take that chance.

    I say treat them like any other vendor, they are hired to do a service and leave when that service is completed. If their service extends through dinner and after (DJ or Photographer) then they should be fed.

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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I hired someone from a website, haven't met her yet, but will a few months out. I definitely won't be inviting her to the reception, and I would think most people would appreciate not being put in that position. Its a job to them.

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  • Rabreena
    Expert October 2021
    Rabreena ·
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    We hired a Pastor through here on Wedding Wire, that we have never met before, and he has been fantastic! We have already discussed about ideas as to the style of ceremony we want and will be talking in the next month in order to finalize everything.

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    I think that the idea of inviting the officiant stems back to the days when it was your family pastor/priest/religious official of some sort, so they had a deeper connection to your family. I think if they are just some vendor you hired, it's the same as if you hired a violinist to play the ceremony (and only the ceremony). They would leave once their job was done.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I had this feeling that traditional etiquette would say to invite them. But I would have never imagined it would say to seat them next to your closest family! I just feel like that would be awkward for everybody involved- The officiant having to make conversation with strangers, and your family members feeling obligated to ensure strangers were having a good time. I really just don’t want to put that on either party.
    What you said about treating them like any other vendor makes a lot of sense to me. I think that is what we will do. Thank you!
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Thank you for your insight! I felt the exact same way, but wanted to see if others felt this way too. I just didn’t want to come off as rude or ungrateful to our lovely officiant.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Thanks Hannah, this actually makes a lot of sense!
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I hired someone from WeddingWire and the first time we met him was at the rehearsal. I invited him and his to attend the reception, but they declined. I would recommend at least extending the invite.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Etiquette says yes. However they will decline. I have read some officiant websites where they say they will stay for cocktail hour (often at the same location) and then leave.
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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    We hired an Episcopalian pastor whom we hadn't met in person prior to the rehearsal (just some phone calls). We invited him to both the reception and rehearsal dinner, and he declined both.

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  • Krystina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Krystina ·
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    We hired someone to officiate. They charge extra to attend the rehearsal so we probably won't have them at the rehearsal and won't even meet them until the wedding. I hadn't even considered inviting them to the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.

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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    We hired last minute through weddingwire and she was amazing. She wasn't even available for our rehearsal so we didn't meet her until the day of either but we don't regret it. I didn't even think to ask about inviting her to the reception but it always seems like they end up leaving after the ceremony.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I hadn’t really thought about the reception until I started looking into venues to host our rehearsal dinner. Everywhere wants to know a headcount, so I made a list of everybody who would be attending the rehearsal, which of course included our officiant. So it only made sense we would invite her and her spouse to the rehearsal dinner afterward. That’s when I started to wonder if we were supposed to invite them to the reception also. From what I can gather, you should invite them if they are a religious leader at your church, a friend, family member or acquaintance. since our officiant will be none of those, I don’t think I am going to extend an invitation to the reception.


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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I don’t blame them! I couldn’t even imagine attending all those strangers weddings. How awkward!
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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Right! Like that's a lot to go through, especially if you have multiple throughout the week. I just feel like it would get old real quick. Plus some even officiate multiple weddings a day.

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  • Samantha
    Expert December 2021
    Samantha ·
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    We hired a stranger off Thumbtack since we relocated and aren't members of a church yet. The officiant won't be attending the reception. Their purpose to to be at the rehearsal and wedding.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Thanks for sharing your experience with us. It makes me feel so much better knowing there are others in the same boat, who are choosing not to invite the Officiant to the reception!
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  • Samantha
    Expert December 2021
    Samantha ·
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    If we knew them and had a relationship with them, sure I'd invite them. But they're hired to do a job they were paid (and tipped) to do and then go home. It'd be awkward to me if they stayed for the reception!
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