Where does the mother of the groom get ready?

Dear future MOBs, MOGs, and DILS, The wedding day begins the blending of both families. God willing there will be many holidays, special events, the blessing of grandchildren and all that comes with it ahead for everyone. MOBs, welcome the MOG with all your heart. Life is changing for both of you. DILs, welcome your MIL with all of your heart. Life is very short. Open your hearts and cherish each other on this special day. It will set the tone and provide priceless memories for the rest of your lives. MOGs, see if your son prefers you to be there for him before the ceremony, and be willing to support him if so. In the end, the only thing that lasts forever are our relationships.

I am a MOG. I will be getting ready for the wedding with my husband. I really like the idea regarding hosting a breakfast for the guys! But, we will be travelling for the wedding, and will be in a hotel room. It is an evening wedding. In the morning, we are going on a sightseeing activity with out of town family members. Then, lunch, and I'm off to have my hair done and get ready. I suppose if the bride and her bridesmaids invited me I would stop in for a quick hello and a glass of champagne. Then I would leave. I think that's a special time for a mother and daughter. Besides, I want to get ready with my husband and reminisce about our journey as parents and how happy and proud we are of our "boy" in this beautiful day.

I am the MOG and the wedding was in another state, the bride's family's hometown. I was not sent the last minute itinerary of the wedding weekend. I found out there was one from my son a couple days before when we arrived in town for the wedding. I went to the showers, out of state, and have been there for every event. I don't assert my ideas, but defer to my son and DIL and tell them it's their wedding and they should decide what they'd like. MOG is passive but controlling and is able to make this a huge affair with all the things she wants to have. She has the means and the time to do so. My son and DIL do not, as they have very demanding jobs. We do not have the financial means as they do . We have covered the limos, rehearsal dinner at a very upscale venue, day before wedding welcome reception for out of town guests & Sunday brunch for all area hotel guests.

We were told there were plenty of cars so we could ride to rehearsal at church, some ways away. When I walked to the front of the hotel ( same venue as reception) where we were all staying, I texted MOB and confirmed about the ride for us. She replied, Oh, sorry, we are down a car so can't offer you a ride. We had to wait for a larger Uber to fit us and my BIL's family in as we weren't going to leave them. We were 20 min. late and the last ones to arrive. So Embarrassing. And the others, incl. my son didn't know the reason.

MOB and family sat at opposite ends of the table at the rehearsal dinner with their family and MOB came over only to tell me it was time for FOG to make his speech, as if we'd forget. Also, told me that there should be ceiling to floor draping around the tables($$&dollar and only one long table instead of 2. How did she know this since it was our affair to plan, and I meticulously planned and consulted with the event planner at the venue? It was as according to plan and I brought personal touches to add to the event. They ordered a $130 bottle of wine on our tab but did not have a toast with us.

I was invited to have hair and make up done. I got a text the morning of from MOB letting me know I was late ( 7 min.) I would not have joined except MOB insisted months ago and I also wanted to be a part . When I walked in, everyone was in matching robes, bride in white, BM 's and MOB in black (wedding colors). There was no robe for me. Afterward, my son called to say I needed to be at the place where all the guys were getting ready. I didn't have a ride so he offered for me to go with the bride's brother and brother's friend. The MOB's dog was in the car which was my ride and I thought that odd. The photographer took a few, but not many pics of my family outside on a sidewalk . That's it. The wedding was touching and beautiful and by the powers that be, I didn't let any of this ruin my day. It didn't occur to put two and two together at the time so I had a beautiful time. After the ceremony, the bridal party left in the limo bus ( we arranged) and the MOB and FOB left in an exquisite vintage car they had rented with driver for their transport to and from church. I didn't know this until day of as the plan was to use the limo buses for the parents and wedding party. But again, I wasn't kept in the loop by the wedding planner MOB hired and she was the one calling the shots and telling us how many limos to order. We had no ride to the reception and were left standing on the church steps. We called an Uber. During the reception, MOB never came around to us or our family and friends, all who had flown great distances. My son and DIL did come to all the tables and graciously greeted everyone. I found it odd a couple weeks before that there wasn't a parents table. I was told by the MOB that she doesn't even know where they'll sit, probably just "fill in" at empty spots. Turns out They did have an assigned seat and placecard and their table was far away from ours. FOB was welcoming the whole weekend with my husband and friendly and sincere with me. Through all the events the MOB did not share any time with me. The bride was lovely to me and came to my rescue more than once ..forwarding the itinerary immed. when she found I did not get it and coming to show me where everyone was getting ready when I couldn't find the suite. On the day after, before we flew home, I received a text from MOB that simply said I owe $250 for hair and makeup and would I like to Venmo or send a check ( which I wish I would have known before) . A couple days after, sister of bride & bride shared pics from their phones. They were mostly of a photo shoot by the photographer of her family in the gorgeous venue of where the reception would be. And guess what? With the MOB's dog in a tux. I was essentially gotten rid of so the dog could come in right after I left and the photo's would start. I didn't get any of those pics with my family. I didn't even know about it. That is something I can never get back, special and precious pictures of moments with my son and my family. I would have hired my own photographer had I known theirs was not being shared. Also in the video clip are the BM's, bride and MOB in their matching robes toasting with champagne ...after they got rid of me as I was told I needed to go to where the guys were. So, for those of you who say, "That's just the way it is." " MOG just aren't all that involved." and " The MOB wants this day to enjoy her daughter alone", I say WE DO MATTER, and it is our precious child that is getting married too. I only have boys so I won't be able to experience a daughter getting married but I love my son ( the first to get married, so this all was brand new to me) and I love my DIL. My advice to MOG's is to find out, don't assume you and your family will be taken care of, make sure you do assert yourself ahead of time and get those special pictures, and are part of the day of decision making, and insist on being put on the correspondence from the wedding planner from the start. If somethings feels or sounds fishy like you are being left out, you probably are.

Don't see an edit button, but in first paragraph of above, I meant Mother of Bride (not MOG) is passive but controlling.

WOW, I am sure happy both of my wonderful daughters in law's families considered me in the festivities. I am "only" a boy mom so I would not have had the opportunity to enjoy the sisterhood any other way. MOGs are not less individuals and it's time that MOB and society realises that without the groom part of the wedding, there wouldn't be one. I hope that if your daughter (Hannah's daughter) ever has children she has a little boy. Perhaps one day there would be a bit of understanding what it is like to be considered an outsider as MOG (such as Hannah seems to project), and that any possible grandson wedding would not include an unreasonable MOB like her.

I am the mother of the groom. With my first son who got married, we were away from our home and stayed in a hotel. I felt awkward being with all the men getting dressed in the hotel room, they are all in their 30's. The bride's dad and uncle were also with the guys. I am so lucky to love the women my son's asked to marry, as they both make my son's even better. Next week my second son is getting married. Both brides asked me if I wanted hair and make-up done by the team doing the other's, and I said yes so there is some consistency. I do machine embroidery and the bride wanted me to make embroidered lace on organza goodie bags, which I did. The second FDIL is having many things imported from her home country, so did not need help, which I offered. So I didn't push anything. Just offered. I asked the photographer where she wanted me, and she did not even want pictures of my son and I until outside of the church. Reading some of the comments of how bride's feel about their FMIL's really makes me wonder why they are even marrying the groom. Sure see lots of marital problems in their future. Wait uutil you have children. Really makes me appreciate my DIL's even more. They are making sure I am included and feel I am part of their special day. We will also get dressed in a hotel, but this time I will ask my husband to call me when they are all dressed and go over to their room a little earlier than the last time. I asked everyone where they wanted me but now reading the comments I worry I was with the bride's side a little too long. I did feel rather awkward and since I really wanted to do the right thing, please understand dressing with a bunch of 30 year old men in a hotel room might make your own FMIL also feel like a bit of an outsider. A wedding should bring everyone together to enjoy such a special time. How everyone treats each other sets the stage for the future relationship. Everyone should feel welcome and like they are bettering each other. Of course we are paying for/paid for the rehearsal dinner and contributed to both weddings.

....our son and daughter in law got married at a "destination" wedding.....as MIL, I was not included in day off prep, nor did either myself or my husband have any contact with our son during his prep with his groomsmen. We weren't asked, and we didn't want to ask to be included.

My FMIL is from another country and while I have only so far met her a few times prior to my upcoming wedding, I still want her to be included and part of whatever she may be able to attend or want to. I love her son so much and she is a boy mom, no daughters of her own, that I think it would be nice to really include her in what we can be part of. She's helping with wedding favors/favor ideas, and honeymoon planning. She's working with my fiancé and I and so far not "overstepping" as some have put. Since she is traveling far for the wedding and also not from America, she also wouldn't know where to really get ready, like salon etc. and there is likely going to be a language barrier and some frustration on her end with a stylist/make up artist if I happened to book her to go somewhere entirely separate than myself and bridal party (I could try my best to help bridge any communication as she'd get ready too). To me, it's more considerate and kinder to include her while my bridesmaids and myself get ready, not only in general for my FMIL, but logistically and comfort based for her sake too. We will have a bridal suite to utilize and I plan to hire hair and make up to travel to the venue. I think it'd be nice to get ready together with my girls, my mother, and FMIL too. If she's at the venue as we all get ready she'd also be able to go see her son too once her hair and make up are complete. I can't imagine she'd be in the room/suite the whole time I am with my girls and mother, and even if she was I wouldn't mind. I see it as a potential bonding moment as well, it doesn't take away from my day or get in my way etc. It's a chance to make memories and I just want everyone to be comfortable and happy also if I am able to accommodate. I think my fiancé would also appreciate me welcoming his mother and making sure she's also feeling her best the day of for her son's "big day" as well. They often say the wedding is all about the bride, to some degree sure many things are bridal centric, but it's two people joining together to form a new family, and two families also coming together, I wouldn't want to make my FMIL feel awkward, bad, left out or anything negative.

Fortunately my FMIL is one of my best friends and is like a second mom to me so she will definitely be getting ready with us. she will go over to the groom suite to take pictures with FH but for the most part she'll be with me. i do understand though that if you don't have a great relationship with your FMIL i wouldn't recommend having her get ready with you. you really don't need that extra stress on your big day

View Quoted Comment Same thing with my daughter n law I wasn’t included either but I wasn’t expecting to be either and that’s fine I’m pretty use to the change with my son not coming around much anymore and it being that side of the family now so I was expecting it to be all about them and nobody else on his side of the family. So your right it will be relaxing to get my thoughts together and having all the services to myself and maybe down the road when they look at pictures they regret not including their future mother n law a important part of her life a woman who gave her the love of her life .