Whether to Postpone Wedding after Death of Father

I’m so sorry for your loss. The unexpected loss of a loved one is incredibly difficult. I personally wouldn’t change the date. If you’re getting married next year, that’s already a respectable passage of time (in my opinion and in my family). You know your family and your dad better than we ever will, but I’m guessing he wouldn’t want you to postpone your happiest day. He’ll be there with you no matter when it is.

Hi Linda!
First of all, I’m sending you my condolences. One of my baby brothers passed tragically April ‘19. He was #7 out of 8 kids. I was engaged a month later. So I can completely understand not wanting to think about wedding plans when you not in your best emotional state. Right after, when I looking up wedding stuff, I cried every single time because it wouldn’t be the same without him. In addition, my family lost my dad about 15 yrs ago. My sisters that had weddings before always had a sense of lost because our dad couldn’t be there. So with brother’s death made things even more sad. By the time I came to grip on things, it was already September and I didn’t want to have a cold wedding, which can sometimes last till March here in the South. Plus my family and I have different religious backgrounds ( I’m Christian and they’re Buddhist), so there’s a different process dealing with death. They needed more time to cope. We ended picking a date in May. My SO and I decided it would good for everyone to have a reason to celebrate.
I know right now it is very dark but the clouds will part in good time and you will see the sunshine knowing your dad is in a better place and he’s not suffering anymore. Your dad will there with you on your wedding day. Also, on a positive note you have something to look forward like celebrating the rest of your life with your FH. He’s not a replacement for your dad, but he will there as your rock.

View Quoted Comment Hi Alejandra,


Thank you for the kind words. He definitly would want us to keep the date and.enjoy it. We were already planning the wedding and have the dress and venue which he got to see and loved and he was the most excited for the wedding. So on that I think you are correct in not changing the date.

View Quoted Comment Hi Hai


My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a parent is one thing but I could not imagine the feelings of losing a sibling as well.
Giving the family something to celebrate is a cool way to look at things. I think at the moment everytime I think of some wedding planning I jump to it doesnt matter. I guess I cant visualise a good day without my dad there which I know is super negative and I am trying to work on getting a more positive perspective because he would just want me to be happy. But at the same time he was the most excited about the wedding and was always talking about it and putting videos on of weddings.
And again, i know he would want us to be happy and to love life but I feel guilty everytime I have a happy or fun moment or if for a bit of time I didnt think of him.
This is my first experience with losing someone so I really dont have any clue what the grieving process is like for me or my family.
My FH has been amazing through all of this and truly has been my rock.

My condolences first and foremost.

Then I will say that I see the glass half full. I think that celebrating both will be a great thing for you. Celebrating your Fathers life and celebrating your True love and finding your partner might help you. Keeping your mind busy might be good for your mental health. Give your self some credit that you also do need some happiness in your life. I know personally that as a daddy's girl my world fell apart losing him but my grandmother sat me down and we talked about who my dad truly was how he was a straight shooter and not a stresser how he lived life and would want me to continue, how strong he knew I was and how he admired that the most about me. How he loved all his kids in a different way and admired one thing about each of them and mines was my resilience so I wiped my tears and I stood strong for my dad he gave me all the energy I needed the rest came naturally. I pray you find peace and we are here for you.

Hi Linda,

So sorry for your sudden loss. Although it is difficult to continue to plan I would say stick with your date. I think it would be nice to keep things as planned since that's what your father was able to see (although it is ultimately up to you). Personally, I lost my mother suddenly last year.. I'm getting married this year and planning for our original date because my mom helped me plan it. It's nice knowing she had a say in some of it.

Also if you're looking for a little memento of your father to have on your wedding day, there's this couple in CA that makes cute wedding bouquet charms to remember loved ones. https://www.amazon.com/Bouquet-Wedding-Missing-Memorial-Remembrance/dp/B07HFJK94D/ref=sr_1_4?crid=LPP42WNI58Q&dchild=1&keywords=wedding+bouquet+photo+charms&qid=1587593366&sprefix=wedding+bo%2Caps%2C150&sr=8-4

I am so sorry for your loss. Words are not enough but my heart goes out to you.
I have a different opinion than others on this. First, only you and your FH can decide if you should move forward with your current wedding date or to postpone it. That will be a very personal decision for you to make and either way it will be a very difficult day for you. If you go ahead with the wedding it will be a very happy day and I have no doubt you will enjoy it and be happy you are marrying your love, but it will also be sad as you will be missing your dad. If you postpone it will be a sad day when you think about the fact you were supposed to be getting married that day. Only you can make that decision.

However, for the reason you may make that decision I think you need to do what YOU feel is right. If living with your mom and sister right now isn’t in your best interest or mental health then you need to make a change. If that means moving in with your FH why is that a bad thing? You deserve to take care of yourself and even if your family would disapprove too bad. If your family is more concerned with what is “appropriate” in their eyes and not on your mental and physical wellbeing, well that’s on them. You do what YOU and FH feel is the best for you. It isn’t for someone else to have an opinion on. Good luck to you and again my deepest condolences.

10 months or 2 years, you will still be acutely missing your father. But after 5-6 months, though you will still be grieving, it will be time to move on. Daddy raised a fine independent young woman whom he would now be proud to see marry her FI and become a new family. Do that. At most, if plans are not hard to change, postpone a couple months. But not long.
Your mother and sister will, like you, probably be better for having something positive to plan, keep busy in a good direction. Wouldn't your father have wanted this?