Which goes out first, wedding invites or bridal shower invites?

In my experience people don’t usually travel far for a shower. Where do you live and where are most of your guests? The majority of our guests are traveling for our wedding as well and we are having two showers hosted for us, both in areas with a large majority of our friends/guests. If I were you and worried about people having to fly in for a shower I would probably decline a shower.

I would send both invites together so they can plan for both at the same time. also i would have the bridal shower at least 6 months before wedding. i think that may be a good time frame for them cause they can book together and possibly even get a deal too.

I usually see people have their shower 1-4 months prior to the actual wedding. It was to my understanding that usually wedding invitations are sent before the shower invites. Mostly local people come to the shower and you send the invites out a few weeks before.

I found this on the etiquette/timing for each type of invite/note & it includes out of town guests as well:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.brides.com/story/when-to-send-every-wedding-related-card-and-invitation/amp

Did you send save the dates? I would assume your OOT guests would know about your wedding far in advance so they can make arrangements.

I wouldn't invite OOT people to a shower unless they're extremely close to you (I invited FMIL and FSIL, FMIL is flying in for it). It comes off as gift grabby.

I wouldn’t worry about the shower invites. It will be up to your mom when to send them based on when the event is. So she would send them 6 weeks or so before the event and then you would send your invites about 10-6 weeks before the wedding. The earliest a shower is normally is about three months in advance (mine was June 1 for a September 2 wedding so the shower invites went out at the end of April)


there is m very little chance the invites will over lap enough to stress about it

Showers are a lesser party of the wedding group. Except for wealthy people with unlimited free time, is is usual not to invite anyone who need travel more than an hour approx , or spend much money, to get to a shower. To travel 3 hours each way, and spend more than $50 , to attend a 3 hour party, and deliver a gift that does not cost more than $25-$100 dollars, is simply foolish, except perhaps for MOB, MOG, grandmother or sister. And only if they really want desperately to be at the party for sentimental reasons. Sometimes brides have a couple of distinct locations with lots of friend and families.. Raised in Boston Suburb, college in Boston working in Denver, with 3 years recent friends and FI family in Denver .Colorado SPRINGS areas. In that example, if a close friend of bride, or her relative other than mom, or MOG or other FI relatives, volunteer, one in one location, and one in the other, bride may have two smaller showers. And BRIDE travels and bears the expense and extra area. Guests are those from around that area. It is very presumptuous to assume others will spend lots of money and time for a small event, of no more consequence than a high school graduation, 18th or 21st or 30th birthday, party. . Remember, showers are not for the whole female wedding guest list ( unless an extremely small wedding.) Showers are for the closest and most intimate friends, who are giving a second gift in addition to a wedding gift. Other question, timing, the shower is usually 2-4 months max before a wedding, except where 3-4 months is winter holidays, impossible local travel due to usual winter weather, ir another family wedding or similar. Then it may go to 5 months. Too often when people do go many months in advance, weddings are cancelled, guest lists get cut after people have come to a shower, bm who may give showers move ir drop out, lots of prospective guests move or other problems. So stay local, short distance and time of travel, and 2-4 months before wedding. Foresee and minimize problems. Only the wedding is a milestone. Shower invites a month to 6 weeks before, and wedding invitations 4-8 weeks before is usual accepted timeline.

View Quoted Comment Though the wedding invitation list must be known before doing any shower planning, for any shower 2 -4 months before the wedding, the shower invitations sent 4-6 weeks before the shower would go out first. People receiving shower invitations assume host has checked with bride, and that if invited to a shower, a wedding invitation will follow. For a shower 6 weeks before the wedding, they may go at the same time, but never together in one envelope.

View Quoted Comment My MOH and one of my bridesmaids are from out of town so those are the main people I would really want to make it but I’d be worried about them not being able to (especially if it was too close to the wedding). The other OOT guests I have are all in scattered places but many of them have relatives in the area so they visit here a lot anyway and have places to stay (friends from childhood who have moved, but their parents still live here) so there’s a good chance those people would come too, though I wouldn’t want them to feel obligated

View Quoted Comment Thank you! This is very helpful

View Quoted Comment My MOH, and 1 of my 2 bridesmaids are from out of town so those are the main OOT people I’d really want to come! There are some others that I am less close with, but these people also are friends from childhood who have moved but their parents still live locally so they visit frequently anyway, so I don’t know that it’d be a big deal for them to come to town. I’m sure that not all of them will but it is likely some would

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the advice! My MOH and one of my bridesmaids live out of town so those are the main OOT people I’d really want to come!

View Quoted Comment Since you ate only talking 2 people so close to you they are in the wedding party, and not a great number of people from OOT, you can make a very case specific judgement. .Do they have busy schedules, family, work, schools, own wedding or baby planning, or can they pretty much go any weekend without problems. Will the cost, in addition to the dress, shoes accessories and grooming , wedding gift, and travel they are already doing for wedding, be a problem. Are they big earners, or are they already putting the cost of 2 car payments and a month's rent into your wedding. This is how people think. They naturally want to come. But may not want to be obligated to one more thing. Don't risk alienating your best friends.

View Quoted Comment Okay thanks for the clarification. I didn’t actually think they went together (I’m not sure who said that)..just that the wedding invite precedes the shower invitation, but I guess that all depends on the actual time frame of both the wedding & shower.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, the variability of dates makes timing a "that depends," kind of thing. .But one very important thing, which you clearly see, from your first post, and so many miss, is that the wedding invite final list ( as far as potential shower guests, SO and plus ones don't matter because not close enough) , MUST be set before any shower invitations are sent by anyone involved with the wedding. People can be added to wedding invites afterward, but you cannot cut someone who was invited to the shower. So having that guest list of close people definitely set before shower invites go out, IS important.. I added " not in the same envelope" not for what you said , but because I know BM or MOH family have decided to save postage, if both kinds are going out at 8 weeks, different RSVP dates , have decided to save postage and send in same envelope. Which makes it look like couple is throwing the shower!