Who else is disappointed about their Covid wedding?

If you go way back on this site, pre-covid, you'll see PLENTY of brides who's day was filled with disappointment, missed guests, anything and everything going wrong. The good thing is, you get a second shot at it with a valid excuse if you so choose. I'm sorry your day was not what you wanted, but so much pressure is put on weddings that it really rarely is.

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I think that is a good point! I'm sure there would have been hiccups on our wedding day without Covid (like I probably would have gotten into an argument with my mom about something), but aside from someone getting into a car wreck and dying on the way to the wedding, one of us leaving the other at the altar (which would not have happened), or the venue catching on fire with all of us inside, I can't think of many things that would have so drastically changed our day as Covid did. We definitely didn't have this "perfect day" envisioned, but I expected to feel surrounded by love and joy at least. I'm not sure we'll ever get a redo - we need to move on with our lives and we might miss our window to have a child-free celebration the way we wanted - but if we do end up doing something in the future it won't be until everyone we know can be vaccinated for Covid and things more or less go back to normal. So we will just have to wait and see!

I do think your perspective is really helpful though - something most certainly would have gone wrong one way or the other. Perfection doesn't exist. And I probably unfairly put a lot of weight on this wedding. I've never really gotten to celebrate myself at all - I didn't have birthday parties or other parties as a kid, my parents weren't able to see me graduate high school because my high school couldn't do basic math, my dad died a few months before I finished college (first in my family to go to college), and such - so I probably really just was looking forward to this day even more so and having it ruined has made me relive all these earlier traumatic experiences of loss around what were supposed to be these celebratory experiences. Obviously my wedding was a lot more important to me than birthdays or graduations, and I only plan on getting married once, whereas I know I'll likely have another birthday next year and there's always an opportunity to earn another degree (I did end up getting a Master's and that grad experience finally ended up being one that wasn't marred by tragedy and disappointment). I know its absolutely irrational but I can't help just feeling cursed in some way, so there's just a lot of baggage to unpack there.

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This is really hard to read and actually empathize with. There is a global pandemic where hundreds of thousands of Americans are dying - at a pace that is only increasing. You chose to have a wedding at this time. I would never wish something like a car accident or death on anyone on their wedding day and to compare your experience to those things comes off as inconsiderate to those who actually have experienced tragedy on their wedding day.

In regards to a birthday party or time to celebrate yourself - why don't you just throw one for yourself? No one has thrown me a birthday party since I was 12 years old. I think you should count your blessings and practice more gratitude.

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1) We didn't plan our wedding during a pandemic. We planned our wedding and then a pandemic erupted just two months before our wedding day.

2) My mom was diagnosed with cancer 10 days before our original date, so we decided we'd still get married in spite of a pandemic, so I wouldn't have to have my mom die right before my wedding like my dad died right before I finished college. My mom would have delayed her treatment and surgery if she thought it would impact our wedding, so getting the wedding out of the way was imperative for my mom starting chemo.

3) We're in our mid/late 30s. Being married before having kids was/is important to us, and we couldn't just wait 2+ years for Covid to become a non-issue. At any other two years in my life a pandemic would not have affected me so greatly, but the timing is significant for us. Biology sucks.

4) I don't wish anything disastrous on anyone's wedding day (or any day) - I'm saying having those things would be far worse than a pandemic, and I am sure there are people who have experienced them, so I recognize a pandemic is not the WORST thing that could happen at someone's wedding. Yet most people who've gotten married in the last century have not had a pandemic affect their wedding in any way whatsoever, so a pandemic is kind of a unique wedding ruining experience to have to go through and there's no self-help book for navigating all of the layers of hardship that come along with it. Yes there are absolutely couples who have been through worse and my heart goes out to them.

5) I had one birthday party as a child (my parents couldn't afford them but when I turned eight I was allowed to have 8 friends over for some cake). I really don't care about birthday parties. The point is, when I look back I realize I've never been able to celebrate myself at all and I was really looking forward to my wedding as an opportunity to do so with someone I dearly love. I'm also facing the possibility of being pregnant and having a baby in near complete isolation and lack of celebration as well. If you feel like that is self-indulgent or not worthy of grief, go ask a therapist about the importance of ritual and celebration.

6) Have a great holiday. I appreciate you pointing out that no wedding is perfect and found that perspective helpful. While your subsequent follow up post is presumptive and hurtful, I do appreciate your initial insight.

My husband and I got married at the county clerks office. We didn’t say any vows, there was no ceremony, we didn’t do anything fancy. I wish we could have had the big fancy day that other people get, but the most important part was that we got married, and I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and our family that we’re building together. The party will come later .


You’re not wrong to be disappointed, but it’s important to make the best of the hand that you were dealt.

I’m so sorry your feeling that way. I’m also feeling very disheartened. We won’t get to see certain people and our plans are drastically different than before.
It’s overwhelming.
But I think that’s expected and a very real feeling since we are experiencing a form of loss. I’m still trying to stay positive though. I’m excited to marry my best friend. And I’m glad that the cost is significantly less. I’m looking forward to one day having the event we dream of when we’re able.

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry for the loss you and your loved ones have experienced. God bless.

View Quoted Comment I feel this SAME EXACT WAY. I’m so frustrated and disappointed in this whole situation. I will be 35 in March, we’ve pospotned our wedding from December to April. Our wedding is a destination wedding in New Orleans. The whole point of the wedding was to have a traditional cocktail style wedding and a second line parade. Currently, my vendors are saying there is no dancing and no second lines allowed, and only sit down dinners. It’s like the whole point of why we wanted to get married there has been taken from us. I want to elope but I also want certain people there. My dress is beautiful and I’m feeling disappointed that I may never get to wear it all night long. I don’t want to keep postponing because I want to start the next chapter of our lives. All excitement about planning has been replaced by anxiety and fear. It’s exhausting and I feel robbed

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I relate to all of this!

Virtual hugs!

Kari, I absolutely understand where you are coming from with respect to points 1, 3, and 5. I'm really sorry about your mother. I don't think a lot of people understand the impacts of postponing a wedding with so many different factors involved. It's like you said:

"A pandemic is a unique wedding ruining experience to have to go through and there's no self help book for navigating all the layers of hardship that come along with it." and then "facing the possibility of being pregnant and having a baby in near complete isolation and lack of celebration" and asking a therapist about the importance of ritual and celebration.

ALL of this rings true, at least with me as well. This is not something that someone should be expected to just "get over" and "deal with." These are deprivations of major life events being fully celebrated, the effects of which we can carry with us for the rest of our lives. This is grief, and trauma. Yes, it cannot compare with many other traumas in life, of course, but it is still a trauma.

Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise, because it is. I hope you get your big celebration. I'm still hoping mine can happen in May. I know it most likely won't be what I've imagined but my FH and I are making a conscious decision to keep the date so that we can move on with our lives, despite the loss. With so much uncertainty in the world, we don't really know what the future will bring, and waiting an additional year or two (biology aside) does not necessarily mean safer, esp. with new virus strains developing.

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You're so welcome, Kari. I'm glad you found my words, & me relating to your experience, helpful. Sounds like our husbands have similar positive traits & desire to be supportive, & also aren't as practiced as we might be, with communicating feelings.

You mentioned feeling guilty about being upset sometimes, & I wanted to share an idea that really helped me just in life in general - "your guilt is real, but it is not justified". That's helped me to let go of some things more easily - the idea that I can name & feel the feeling, without becoming overwhelmed by it, because it's temporary & not justified in the first place.

Yes, COVID has created a lot of loss this past year. I totally understand how it can be more difficult to move forward, when what lies ahead is still uncertain - I've experienced a fair bit of that this year, in general.

Very best wishes to you & your new husband. & thank you for your bravery to share & be vulnerable!

View Quoted Comment Thank you, Allie!

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Be kind. The best thing you can do is support this person's feelings. Don't judge her. People are allowed to have their feelings and look for support. Most people on here have been supportive which helps the OP. You have your opinion and while this is a public forum and people can share their opinions, there is no reason to post something negative to a person looking for support. Why on earth wouldn't you think, "This person is having a tough time. I don't agree with her or support feelings but there is no reason to rub salt in her wound."

View Quoted Comment What about that statement was unkind exactly?

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Oh please.

I am so so sorry your wedding was such a disappointment. I can totally see what you mean, that covid took away the feeling and overall vibe and atmosphere that makes weddings so wonderful. I can’t imagine not being able to hug family and seeing them scared and uncomfortable on such an important life milestone. It’s ok to feel pissed and angry and sad. your feelings are valid and it’s ok to feel then. I pray that you get to redo the day once the pandemic subsides in some way or even a vow renewal elopement like you originally wanted. At least a romantic honeymoon type vacation!


I’m not sure if it’s good advice, but if I had any I’d say to give yourself permission to begin making steps to move forward with the other life things that you want so badly. like starting a family, even if you are concerned with how they will impact your future wedding plans. You deserve to start healing and to move forward, and with weddings so up in the air, restrictions and the pandemic changing everyday, i feel like it’s ok to move on to the next life stage while you continue making those plans.
I am very fearful of what will happen to my now February 2022 Puerto Rico destination wedding too. I’ve heard it may not even be safe then. I feel stuck too, like I want to start a family and just move forward but I can’t because I’m stuck with expensive contracts and deposits. I go back and forth everyday like, we should just cancel it. Then the next day I think no it’ll be fine. Ugh the uncertainty and disappointment is just the worst.
Sending you and your husband a virtual hug.

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APPLAUSE!!!

This was my EXACT thoughts when reading this post as well. I'm sorry but OP is an adult who chose to go forward with her wedding during a global pandemic. While I do empathize with her over the loss of loved ones and the difficulties life has given, we all have hardships.

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We do all have hardships. That doesn't mean that we should therefore not talk about them or that our feelings are somehow invalidated. In fact, it means that it's nice to be able to find comfort in others who've faced similar issues. The OP came here to feel like she wasn't alone. If you didn't have anything empathetic to say, I'm not sure why you said anything at all. Sometimes, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Kari, I’m so sorry this happened to you and so many other brides. I know three women who are all in the same boat. All three chose to handle it in different ways but they all share your feelings. We just got engaged so I don’t share your experience exactly, but I do know what it’s like to come from a less-affluent family in which celebrations often didn’t happen, and to be a first-generation college grad who worked her way through by the skin of her teeth and didn’t have a graduation celebration. So I can definitely understand having feelings of, “Why does it sometimes feel like all the things that are supposed to make life great and create lasting cherished memories seem to not work out for me?” Did you deserve to finally have something to put in the “Best Days of My Life” file? Yup. So, here’s my humble advice: Take back your wedding day. Don’t let Covid have it. Plan to have exactly what you’ve dreamed about when this mess is over. Could you spend the money on “practical” things? Yes. Will that make you as fulfilled? I don’t think so. Stop feeling guilty about wanting to celebrate the amazing love you found, and reframe it as an investment in your health and well-being. Go ahead and start trying for your bundle of joy because heaven only knows when this thing will end. And if you happen to be pregnant on your wedding day, just think of it as one more thing to celebrate. (Btw, I bet your doctor will tell you that a little wine or champagne on your wedding day is fine.) If the baby is already here, hire a nanny for the week so you can sleep, relax, and prepare. The nanny can take your little one home after the ceremony and he or she can stay with family if you want to go on a honeymoon, Babies deserve happy, fulfilled parents. This pandemic has cost so many people so much. And usually when we suffer a loss, there’s no way to get what we’re missing back. But you have that opportunity, so seize it. Start getting excited again and go take your wedding day back girl.

Completely feel you!! While I'm happy we were able to still get married, the wedding itself had a depressing feel to it. I cried the day afterwards, basically mourning what our wedding should have been. We had a microwedding: only 9 guests. The saddest part of the day was when our venue sat us in the ballroom. All I could think about was how this was supposed to be filled with people, music, dancing. We took dance lessons and didn't even get to do our first dance. Now that a few months have passed, I feel...bittersweet. I'm happy and sad at the same time. We have a reception planned for May but now I'm worried that won't even happen.