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Hannah
Devoted September 2019

Who threw your bridal shower?

Hannah, on July 22, 2019 at 3:30 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 18

I am less than two months away from my wedding day and I haven't heard ANYTHING about a bridal shower from my mom, MOH, or anyone. I was under the impression that the bride does not throw her own bridal shower. I mean, our budget is tight with the wedding, I have no room to throw myself another party on top of everything else, plus I feel like it would look like I'm seeking attention. I did ask my mom if I'm going to have a bridal shower - her answer seemed more like she hadn't even thought about it, and we haven't talked about it since. At this point I would even be happy with a pajama/pizza party. It's just disconcerting to think I won't have a bridal shower, something that happens only once in a lifetime. I feel like the only time I've felt like anything wedding related was centered around me was when I went dress shopping. It's confusing because our wedding IS a big deal to everyone - so I don't know why people don't seem to care about me, even though I'm the bride. I'm not one to like attention, but it would be nice. Luckily my FH is so amazing, I know he would throw me a shower even if only the two of us are in attendance lol. I just want to know if anyone can relate to this feeling? -- this feeling of being pushed to the side for your own wedding.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Sherry, on July 22, 2019 at 6:17 PM
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    My aunts and sister threw my bridal shower. Its the norm in our family for the aunts to do so.

    That being said, I've had numerous friends who did not have bridal showers. It didn't mean that people didn't care, it's just a lot of put on someone to host. 2 months out I'd just kinda accept that you aren't going to have one. Then if someone does decide to host one, it's just a happy surprise.

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. NO, you should not throw yourself a bridal shower. That's poor etiquette. It is a party thrown in your honor, by someone else. Moms, BMs MOHs, aunts, grandmas, etc. are usually the people who throw the shower for the bride. Also, not everyone has one. It depends on the bride, and the needs and wishes of the couple. But if you really want one, I would say talk to your mom, or your BMs about it. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, or cost a lot. It can be at someone's house, rather than renting a hall or venue of some kind. There are ways to do it low budget. But people have to know you want it. Have you talked to any of your people about it? If not, go for it!! If you have previously, maybe bring it up again.

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  • Dana
    Dedicated October 2019
    Dana ·
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    My mom threw my shower. It was entirely her idea. I don't think a shower is necessary to a wedding and it expensive for the hosts. If no one has offered, maybe they don't feel comfortable taking on that expense or giving the time required to plan it. You're right, it's definitely not okay to host your own.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    In general the female relatives or friends throw a shower, I don't have aunt's or many female relatives I'm close with so I asked my mother what she thought. We've had a few deaths in our families so my mother said she wanted to plan my shower because she's planned funerals the last few years and is tired of that, I told her to call my godmother to help her out because they're best friends.
    Because it's a gift giving occasion people frown upon throwing yourself a shower, but if there's a few people that you really wanted to celebrate with you can call them for a lunch/brunch or just general party and do that instead.
    I've said it before, that back when people lived with their parents until they got married the shower was to supply the new couple with items for their new home. Nowadays a lot of people live together beforehand and showers are leaning towards more of a celebration than being centered on gifts (or lingerie). I personally wouldn't be offended to be invited to a shower hosted by the couple and I don't believe in bashing women who want the whole experience and don't have the support to have volunteers for it.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    One of my BM's hosted a shower where we currently live. My mother and her best friend are throwing my shower in my hometown and my FMIL is throwing a shower in my fiance's hometown. I am sorry that you feel like no one wants to host a shower for you. Maybe everyone thinks someone else is doing it? Are you having a Bachelorette party hosted by your bridal party? If so, maybe they chose to host that instead of the shower? If you really want one, I would mention it to your mom again and let her know how you are feeling. I would not say anything to anyone else though. Showers are not required so it may come across rude if you ask someone else about it, but I think having the conversation with your mom is fine.

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  • Hannah
    Devoted September 2019
    Hannah ·
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    UPDATE: WOW I don’t know what the HECK happened here but look what just happened minutes after posting this!! 🙀 talk about speaking things into existence hahaha!!!

    Who threw your bridal shower? 1
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    Aww congratulations!
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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    Yay! So nice.
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  • A
    Expert August 2019
    Aliciabilly2019 ·
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    Im glad it all worked out. As for me i am feeling same way you were feeling i have 38 days till our wedding and nothing my sister is 22 so she knows nothing about weddings and my MOH is trying to work on her house so i understand but its still frustrating the feelings of not feeling like anyone cares ....weve paid for all of this on our own and i refuse to pay for my own shower ...so we are literally just doing a rehersal dinner which were paying for to and thats it the wedding and all done ...it makes me sad bc i do want a shower or batchelorette party something but highly doubt i willl...but im glad you did so happy for you!
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  • Kristal
    Expert February 2020
    Kristal ·
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    My MoH assumed it was part of her responsibility and asked me about it but i declined. That said, if you expected it of your girls to do this, it should have been made clear at the beginning. At two months out, trying to get a party together is hard. It definitely should have already been planned out if it was going to happen. If anything maybe inviting additional people to your bach party or having a wedding party party might be a better option than throwing your own.

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  • Hannah
    Devoted September 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Hey! Thanks for your input! As you can see, shortly after I posted this I got word that my bridesmaid is planning it Smiley smile looks like “making it clear” wasn’t really necessary!
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Yay good thing it worked out. My bridesmaids all planned mine
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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    My FMIL and sister will be throwing mine.
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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    Usually it's the MOH, bridesmaids, mother-of-the bride, or the future mother-in-law who throw it. I've known brides who did. No one to my knowledge is giving me one

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I agree with this. No one offered to throw me a bridal shower, and I really wanted one. So I asked my mom if she would, and she agreed to. She honestly didn't think about it, because she assumed my MOH was doing it. BUT my MOH only mentioned planning a bachelorette, so I don't think she had any intentions of planning a shower too. Your close family / friends / bridesmaids are all your nearest and dearest peeps in your life. Therefore, you should be able to have an open / honest conversation with them and let them know how you feel and that you would really like a shower. Then see what they think. There is a good chance they didn't think about it (due to their own busy lives, etc), or maybe thought someone else was doing it.

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  • Denise
    Super September 2019
    Denise ·
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    Mine's scheduled for 2 weeks before the wedding. FMIL & MOH are throwing it. Only reason I know about it is because I was bugging my Mom

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  • Kristal
    Expert February 2020
    Kristal ·
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    Glad it got sorted!

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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    My MOH hosted mine. Showers are totally optional so if no one offers to throw you one, you shouldn't throw yourself one. If you really want one, talk to your BM's, MOH, aunts etc and see if anyone is wanting to throw you one or willing to come together and host one so they can all split the costs. Your MOH or BM's may not be able to afford to throw you a shower by themselves.

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