Why bother?

A friend of mine got married a few years after we graduated high school. They had a small courthouse thing back then. They finally got to have their big wedding as a vow renewal for their 15th anniversary. It was beautiful. I say go for it!

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this! I had a friend who was married quickly due to military and they are planning a 5 year big wedding. I’m so excited for them and have no problems going. Sometimes people are just difficult. They say one thing but when it actually happens they change their tune. If that is what you want go for it.

View Quoted Comment My husband thinks thats whats going to happen too, when we actually get closer to the date.
Its just hard not to be discouraged when everyone you thought would be excited, just arent..

View Quoted Comment I have found that the best thing you can do is keep your chin up and ignore the naysayers no matter how hard it is. At the end of the day it’s your special day.

The vow renewal is for the 2 of you. I say plan it send out the invites and enjoy the vow renewal with everyone who can and wants to come. It's about what you what the 2 of you want.

If people don't get it, just give it another name. Have a 5-year anniversary party. Hold a vow renewal in the midst of the party. Have your h/m done before the party starts. After an hour, sneak away to change into your gown. Surprise everyone when you come out as a bride. Hold the vow renewal. Everyone will love it.

I agree you should do a renewal if the two of you want one, but I would take your family & friends' reactions into account in planning the scale of your event. You can't force people to be excited about something, so if your crowd is telling you they are not, just make your plans with that in mind. A big benefit is you're probably talking about a smaller crowd/guest list, so you can focus your budget more on things that matter to you than hosting a huge number of guests well. Good luck!

I go to vow renewals. Big some people are big on ceremony, some not. Your family may have no interest . Many if not most people do not see a wedding with all the trimmings as something everyone is entitled to. If you have it when you first marry, they will attend . And they would likely still come to see you marry, if asked, if you wore a t- shirt, jeans and hiking boots, and had it in a public park, provided that was when you actually got married. That is what many want, to be present at your actual marriage ceremony. And many who will do that, and very much care for you, see a vow renewal after anything less than 20+ years as an empty shell, the dress, decorations, a party , but you are already married. I have gone to a number of these, and they are usually poorly attended. Quite different from someone who had a civil ceremony, but has a bigger fancy dress reception within weeks or months. People do not want to see a bridal party and repeating vows then, but will consider it a short term delay of your original reception, and large numbers will attend. . . For family members who think the fancy ceremony is only worth attending if you are actually getting married, not already married, there is not much that will change their minds. . . . Most older people remember when if someone was marrying for the second time, a new husband or wife, only immediate family would come, and no fancy dress, no parties or attendants ( just witnesses where law requires them ). And no one who attended the first wedding, or gave a gift the first time, including family, would be obliged to do it again. Where one person had married before, only the person marrying for the first time would have many guests. . . So not going to a repeat wedding is something many older people still hold to. Where more of us younger people think any time, first, second, or third marriage, is worth celebration. But often, only at the actual time of marriage.
If you want a vow renewal for yourselves, do one. But you usually will not have a lot of guests. You are already married. People act like you want to celebrate Christmas in October. Or college graduation, 16 months later. Just not a priority. Sorry .

Vow renewals are special and important, no matter what anyone says! Keep your plans for one if that's something you really want. It's worth the "bother"