"Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free"

Hmm, interesting. There's lots of couples who choose to not marry, but I don't think it means one is taking advantage of the other!

View Quoted Comment Yes I agree. This is a one sided argument. My fiancé and I already live together. So we already had sex. That is not one sided. He cleans I cook. This makes it seem like one person should do all the cleaning and cooking and the other person benefits. A relationship should be two people working to gather.

View Quoted Comment Are there any "benefits" you reserved until marriage?

View Quoted Comment I see your perspective, however, I think it could go either way with sex, cooking, cleaning, etc. My understanding is the point of the phrase is why marry if your already doing married things.

Are there any "benefits" you reserved until marriage?

Sure you won't see a day to day difference if you're already doing it, but you will on your taxes, if either one of you ever gets sick or hurt, how your kids are handled can be different for their health insurance and how you file taxes.
Goodness forbid one of you gets hurt or sick there may be a family only rule at the hospital and it's well known to be a problem. It's seen more so with same sex couple's but what if you couldn't be there if your partner was dying? It also means if one of you does die you get treated differently afterwards legally.
To me marriage is mostly about the commitment, I've seen couple's happy together but not married for over 20 years, so it can happen. But it has certain legal risks to live life that way and you gotta ask yourself if the worst happens how do you want to be treated? I feel like those who use the phrase "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" often don't want to be responsible for the worst. They want a fair weather relationship with no strings attached. It's not how I would want to be but if it works for someone else I say let it be.

View Quoted Comment No it just not something I believe in.

I think this really depends on your views of marriage. As stated above, there are many legal benefits to marriage for most couples out there. For me, it’s that my state allows FH to fight for custody of my daughter if something happens to me, but not if we aren’t married. He also carries better health insurance but his company does not allow you to list domestic partnerships or children who are not legally your children/step-children. Cooking for him and cleaning and having sex with him didn’t change this view so that’s why we’re still getting married.

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FH and I are living separately and abstaining from sex due to our religious and personal beliefs

I personally abhor that phrase, it comes off as sexist and old fashioned, but at the same time I think the pros of marriage are worth it and I wouldn’t spend my life with someone without marriage. I think being your partner’s next of kin is unbelievably important, life has no guarantees. I need those rights to make painful decisions on behalf of my partner, I also want the insurance and tax benefits. Marriage is more than a union of love.
I also feel for the people who don’t have that luxury. Gay marriage isn’t legal everywhere and even though it’s legal, disabled people face having their benefits taken away if they marry. Not everyone has the option to get married, so it’s important to me.

View Quoted Comment I agree that marriage has leagal benefits that are more long-term rather than day to day.

View Quoted Comment I understand.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing this perspective.

View Quoted Comment Got it, thanks for clarifying.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree that "marriage is more than a union of love."

About 3.5 weeks before we got married, I was in a significant car accident (rear ended by a semi). Fortunately, I came out completed unscathed, with the exception of being rather sore, and my car was (obviously) totaled. However, the point is that had things turned out differently and I had been injured, my FH (at the time) would not have been bale to make medical decision for me. That would have been deferred to my next of kin (in my case that would be my parents) despite the fact that we were 3.5 weeks from being married and had lived together at that point for a year. H knows more about what I do/don't want int he case of a serious accident/medical emergency than my parents do. My parents would (I assume) have the right to choose where I was buried, God-forbid, if I had died in that accident. They would have planned my funeral, not H. That isn't to say that they wouldn't have involved them because they would have, but they wouldn't have had to. Marriage is a whole different level of connection and responsibility than dating/engagement, in my opinion, regardless of if you are living together/sleeping together/whatever before you're married.

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I'm glad you are okay after your accident.

Just my opinion:
It’s a commitment. Either partner can leave whenever they want if you’re not married . You can leave in a marriage but the whole point of a marriage is to commit to that one person you made vows to. Plus as said in other post if either partner is is sick or have a baby...it’s going to be hard to see that person because they go by power of attorney, will, or next of kin .

There are situations where I can see that being a concern. For example, if one person wants to get married and the other doesn’t, it can feel very unequal.
I’ve had friends in long term relationships where they live together, even have children, and the man doesn’t want to get married because he’s “not ready yet” when he really means “I don’t want to marry YOU.” So one person wants to be married, the other doesn’t. By the time you’re all in, have a lease, buy a house, have children, the sunk-cost fallacy and inertia make it hard to change. And then the other person, friends, etc telling you “it doesn’t matter, you’re practically married anyway” so it can feel like you want too much, etc.
I think well before doing all that stuff it’s important to figure out if you are both on the same page.

No, I do not “believe” in that statement. It’s a disgusting, sexist, demeaning statement that compares women to cattle.

View Quoted Comment So if I choose to be in a relationship and I’m with this person I’m committed and I do everything to take care of our relationship. He decides one day to see this other woman and she can do the same thing as you but she has limits with him and gives him a challenge and decides I want to be with her. That man will leave because he never made that commitment that you’re the one and no one else can have you. And then a year later you find out he married the other girl.....that’s very hurtful .