Why do people not like having children at their wedding?

For me its because the children on my FH's side of the family are ill behaved and the parents don't discipline them and I do not want them to destroy anything, I also don't want to hear crying/screaming/talking during my vows. Right now we are arguing about allowing kids other than his nephew and 3 nieces. I also want my guests to enjoy the wedding and not have to worry about looking after their their kids.

View Quoted Comment I think it would be pretty hurtful to exclude his nephews and nieces but invite other kids. Unless you want to have a frank discussion with the family about their terrible parenting and open that whole can of worms

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Ah that didn't type out well. We would be having his nephew and nieces!!! we would not be allowing other kids, his nephew will be ring bearer and his nieces are going to be flower girls!!

We’re not inviting children because of our space restriction. We can have a max of 55 guests and if we invited all of our guests’ children we would have had to cut 10 adults. My family agreed that we should give priority to our adult friends and family.

I forgot to mention that our wedding is on a Thursday evening at a winery. All of the kids are school age and should be in school the next day and dinner will be starting probably around there bedtime. If our wedding was on a Saturday late afternoon I would happily invite children.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this Amanda. And to be honest kids don’t like going to weddings. The generally HATE being there. They get bored. Its not about if they have manners or not imo. Its more so about them having to endure something that’s incredibly boring to them. Its not fair for kids just as much as its not fair to the couple that doesn’t want them there. I actually think it’s pretty selfish of the parents that want to drag their kids out to weddings because they think everyone is as obsessed with them as they are, when in reality the kids do not want to be there and no one else wants to listen to their kids talk about how great their doing in school or those ‘adorable’ joe Biden/ Donald Trump impersonations they can do (that are actually terrible, but the parents think they are great.)

View Quoted Comment I’m assuming you do not have children @Dj Tanner. We are not “obsessed and think everyone else is”. I know my daughter would have a blast at a wedding and I also do not feel comfortable leaving her with anyone else for that long of a time, which many others also feel the same way. At my wedding there will be many children and they are so welcomed. At night when the partying happens, my daughter will leave and I’m sure many of the other children will also.

View Quoted Comment It’s really not directed at you or anyone that has kids. No disrespect. And yes there will be children at my wedding, but it’s because I want them there and they are awesome and don’t annoy me. From a mothers standpoint, if I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my child with someone, which I probably would never, I would simply RSVP back no. And not every child is well behaved. For example, yes the children might have a “blast “ by hogging the dance floor and running around like maniacs. Then they fall and then they get her and then they start screaming. From my personal anecdotal experience this is exactly what Ive seen. I’m sure your child is a peach and I’m sure they do great at weddings, but not many do and I just can’t take that risk on my wedding day.


I’m just curious... and this is by all means not an attack, I enjoy having this conversation and enjoy hearing your side of things but my question is Would you be perfectly OK with saying your vows and having my screaming child there the whole time? Would you be OK if my kids were running around the whole time while your father was trying to make his speech or my kids running across the floor while you’re trying to have your first dance?

View Quoted Comment I’ve only been to a handful of weddings that have allowed children, but this has been my experience at each one of them. It’s not that the children were “bad” kids, they were just bored and restless. And you are spot on about the kids hogging the dance floor! That happened at every single one of them! I know the kids’ parents and grandparents think it’s “so cute” watching them dance, but it’s not so much the case for the rest of the guests. It’s cute for 1 or 2 songs, but that’s about it. Then it’s just kind of annoying not being able to dance on the dance floor without having to watch out for kids running around and crawling on the floor, trying not to step on them or knock them down. It just results in adults not wanting to dance and kids taking over the dance floor. There’s no way I’m spending thousands of dollars for a DJ and live band just to entertain some children. But we are planning for our wedding reception to be a party atmosphere, with adults able to drink, let loose, dance and celebrate. Some people want more of a “family reunion” sort of vibe for their weddings, in which case kids acting out and dominating the event would probably be looked at differently. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

From what I've seen, and in terms of myself and my fiance, it isn't so much that the bride and groom don't like children, but it's more a matter of convenience and etiquette. Four years ago, when one of my bridesmaids got married, they had a no-kids wedding; the only kids who came were her niece and nephew, who were 11 and 6 at the time, and her niece was her flower girl. She and her husband had quite a few friends, however, who had kids, and they adored those kids. When I asked my friend about it, though, she gave two reasons: 1) to give their adult friends a break, and 2) when you stop and think about it, the wedding ceremony itself is extremely boring for young kids. I also echo what someone else said about babies crying in the middle of it all. No one ever wants to be the mom with the screaming baby that everyone's staring at, but it's even more uncomfortable in a wedding, a time when things are supposed to be especially quiet.

My fiancé has a 6 year old daughter and I wanted to make sure she felt like she was as much as part of the day as her dad and I are. So we’re not only allowing kids, but in the courtyard that’s in between the two buildings of our venue, we’re setting up “Bella’s Kid Korner” that will have an arts and crafts table, hula hoops, a “pet” adoption area with stuffed animal puppies for each child to take home with them, bubbles, little handheld windmills, their own little Bluetooth speaker playing kids bop and Disney songs with their own little “dance floor,” and favorite kids snacks. I also have 4 of my own nieces and 4 off my own nephews, plus 2 nieces I’ll be gaining on my fiancé’s side. I wanted to make sure that no one felt like they couldn’t attend because their kids couldn’t come. There’s also a large room that we’re using for the breastfeeding or crying children room to make sure no one feels anxious or uncomfortable if they need to breastfeed or walk out with a crying kid during the ceremony. My future stepdaughter and my nieces and nephews are my whole world. And the thought of not having them or someone I really love not being able to come because they couldn’t bring their child(ren) just didn’t sit right with me. Like my future stepdaughters mom is one of my very best friends (now lol) and she has a 6 month old baby boy that she wouldn’t want to come without. Plus our girl wants her baby brother there with her. Lol. My day wouldn’t feel right without the woman that has become one of my closest friends there for me and also to see her daughter dressed up and getting a special day. HOWEVER, I’ve been to weddings where children were not allowed to attend and I can see why people do it. Especially when people in the wedding party have kids. It makes it so much easier for those people to be able to be apart of the day and not have excess stress and anxiety.

For us, we know that our party will be full of alcohol and adults and its a Sunday evening wedding so in addition to cutting down the guest list, it just made sense not to invite them. A lot of my siblings and cousins want to have a night away from their children to celebrate and thought this was a good event to do so.

I also am a mom to a 10 year old and 1 year old son. While my older one will have a little bit more fun, essentially, they get bored at weddings and start acting restless. Its not fun for us to have them unhappily, uncomfortable somewhere they'd rather not be and its not fun for them either.

I love being a mom but I love being an adult and being away from them sometimes too.

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This this ALLLLL of this. You worded it PERFECTLY.

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This is a great compromise

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Point proven - why would you not attend someone else's wedding if your daughter was not invited but nonetheless have her miss a portion of your own wedding anyway?

At the end of the day, people can have children at their wedding or they can elect not to. My take is that no one should take it personally and you need to respect the wishes of the bride and groom just the same with any other decisions pertaining to their wedding.

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Thank you!

I LOVE children!! There are tons that I would love to have at my wedding. Part of it is my venue. We are close to a major road, so if there is a certain number of kids we have to have a designated babysitter. I also have been to many weddings where kids are disruptive during the ceremony and I don't want to deal with it. I also don't want to focus on keeping my wedding "kid friendly" with my music selections! I also had to cut my guest list in more than half due to COVID, and we decided we'd rather have more friends and family than 5 year olds.

Because it changes the entire vibe of the event. For me, weddings are formal events with cocktails, dinner and dancing. It's a time to relax and enjoy the married couple, not worry about watching your kids. They're disruptive and can get into the cake, run around/scream etc. I have a 3 month old and I absolutely would not want to bring her to a wedding. I love children, but I think weddings aren't a place for them to be. If it was a more casual backyard-style wedding I can see inviting kids but for a formal affair, no.

I LOVE children and I love my nephew more than anybody in this world but at my wedding, my cousins children and fiancés cousins children will not be invited. My nephew and my fiancés niece are in the wedding party and will be at the wedding & reception but no other children. I personally don't think a wedding is a place to have children. I went to a wedding last year where there were probably 10-15 kids and they were running around the reception hall, climbing on the furniture & pillars and almost ran into the cake table. At one point I even had to take the brides bouquet back from one of the kids because she had taken it off of their table. Children are fantastic to have in the correct place. Weddings, however, are not the correct place for children.

I'll start by saying I like kids, and my husband and I are hoping to try for a child in the near future, but we don't want them at our wedding at all.

Children require supervision, and some adults want to have fun without being responsible for the safety of little ones. They are a distraction and take attention away from the couple. They may not have the same manners or self control or emotional regulation of adults. They cost money to host. And because we want to try for a baby soon, we would like to enjoy some of the last time we have as a family of two humans without kids at our wedding. In every single wedding I have been to where there were kids, the parents spent 80% of the time managing their children and maybe 20% of the time enjoying adult company.

For what its worth, we made it clear that we wanted an adults only wedding and all of our friends with children were on board and looking forward to a kid free date night!

As far as I'm concerned, its the couple's responsibility to lay out clear expectations for their event (whether that's a wedding theme, no kids, negative Covid test, masks required, etc) and it's the guests job to decide whether or not they are willing and able to follow those requests, and then RSVP accordingly. If you don't agree with the couple's stance, you respectfully decline their invitation and move on.