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Savvy June 2019

Why is it rude to have a cash registry? i genuinely don’t understand.

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Colleen , on April 26, 2019 at 6:37 PM

Posted in Registry 42

I hate hate hate gifts. I hate stuff. I am a minimalist. I don’t need or event want anything else in my 700sq foot apartment. Any Christmas or birthday present I ever buy for someone else is an experience and not a thing. I am a climber and all of my extra money goes to what makes me and my FH happy; camping, hiking and climbing.

My wedding is a couple months away and I’m literally dreading the idea of receiving gifts. Call me crazy. Any time I receive a gift I feel nothing but guilt because I genuinely don’t want to have to deal with it. Idk what it is. I live in Colorado but am getting married in Rhode Island (that’s where I’m from). I can’t bring gifts back with me. I realize I can register for gifts and have them sent to me out in Colorado, but there are like ten things I can think of that I want or need, and they’re all climbing related lol.

Question for everyone who says it is rude to “ask” for cash rather than gifts. Why is it totally acceptable to have a gift registry, but considered “rude” to have a cash registry? Both are entirely optional, right? Having a gift registry isn’t asking or expecting your guests to give you a gift. A cash registry is the same exact thing, no? It is just there as an option on your wedding website, just as the gift registry is. In fact, with a gift registry, you’re literally hand picking things for people to buy you. So I am genuinely curious, what is the difference? Please, something besides “it’s non-traditional” or it’s “just rude,” because I am seriously struggling to understand what exactly makes it rude. I feel like it’s way more rude to take a gift and return it and then lie about it on a thank you card.

Everyone invited to the wedding knows us well and knows that we live for adventure. Would it be “rude” to set up a cash registry to help us toward climbing Denali in Alaska?

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Judith · on February 24, 2020 at 5:56 PM
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Weddings and showers are both gift giving events. In some groups, recently, it is common for the wedding gift to be cash, not a physical present. But check with the wedding industry: huge numbers of registry, and non registry, non cash gifts ( physical gifts) still make up far more gifts than cash for the wedding itself. And showers, of course, are physical gifts. They are supposed to be a second gift, in addition to a wedding gift.
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Beginner May 2020
Rebecca · on March 20, 2020 at 12:57 PM
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My future MIL said the same thing. Her other son and his now-wife initially didn't register because they were already living together and didn't need anything. They assumed people would just give cash if they really felt the need to give a gift. But according to future MIL, EVERYONE just came to her asking what the couple wanted. She got so tired of fielding the question, she told the couple they either needed to register for a few things or she was just going to tell everyone to get them either sheets, towels, or money.
I don't think there's anything rude at all about putting together a small registry with a few things you need/want and also making a cash fund an option on the registry. That way the people who won't take the hint that you genuinely don't want or need gifts will have something to get for you, or they can contribute cash if they prefer. And if you get some gifts you end up not wanting, you can always return or exchange them.
I think most people's issue with a cash fund is that it's new and not the tradition and people are very resistant to change, but I very seriously doubt you will offend anyone if you just have a cash fund out there for anyone who happens to ask what to get you. Also, through Zola I am able to pay the fees on cash gifts myself at the end when I deposit the money into my bank account, rather than asking my guests to pay a fee. So I think that helps a lot too.
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