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mrswinteriscoming
VIP December 2021

wibta if i reorganized my bachelorette with half the original guest list?

mrswinteriscoming, on September 1, 2021 at 4:13 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
Background: My December 2020 wedding was postponed one year due to COVID and later downsized from 150 to 45 due to COVID restrictions in light of recent outbreak. My bachelorette was planned before the wedding was downsized and we were due to go away for the weekend in early November as a group of 12. We don’t even know if it can go ahead yet but we haven’t yet cancelled because most of the group still wanted to go even though only half the group were being invited to the downsized wedding (again this trip was planned before we had no choice but to downsize or postpone again).


Issue: Lockdown has made me realize that some of the people on the original guest list are not my friends but acquaintances with whom there is no contact if I don’t oversee it - essentially one way friendships. I don’t really want to spend my bachelorette weekend with those people who I’ve come to realize are only there for the fun and will go back to their old ways afterwards.
Given that only half the original bachelorette girls are invited to the downsized wedding, I’m hoping to maybe re-organize the bachelorette so that we go a couple of weeks later than when originally planned (to avoid the current restrictions in place) and only go with the half group that are actually invited to the wedding.
If I do this, I’d be as politely as possible telling the others that we are canceling our original plans due to the restrictions and that there might be smaller things organized by my bridal party (a white lie to cover my tracks if the downsized plan goes ahead later).
I know it sounds awful but I just don’t want to miss out on a bachelorette altogether or be annoyed that it was spent with people that I’ve come to learn don’t give AF about me. Would I be an A-h-le if I did this?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Rosie, on September 1, 2021 at 10:34 PM
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Master July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
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    There is nothing wrong with being wanting to be surrounded by people that you love and truly love you back. These are experiences that you can’t get a “do over” on.


    Every single person that attended my bachelorette I wanted to be there and it made the experience better than I even hoped.
    Do what feels right in your heart and you’ll never regret it.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I don't see a problem with it, especially if they are no longer invited to your wedding anyways. If you want to downsize and only be around people that you actually have a relationship with then you have every right to do that!

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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    NTA.

    Tell them exactly that: the wedding had to be downsized, and because you're changing plans, the bachelorette will be downsized, too.

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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    There's nothing wrong with downsizing, however instead of the little white lie, I'd just be honest and say that due to restrictions "we're rescheduling and downsizing from the original plans, I hope you understand" and leave it at that, so you're not putting your bridal party in an awkward position if any of them are confronted about it

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I'm confused. Are the people you don't want at the bachelorette still invited to the downsized wedding? If not, then no prob just cancel the bachelorette.

    If they are still going to the wedding, still cancel the original bachelorette. If something smaller and very different happens, then I don't think they will take offence. To be 100% safe just call it women's night out or something.

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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    It is only the people who will be invited to the downsized wedding that I’m hoping to have at my bachelorette
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Ok, so yeah, I think etiquette-wise, you're OK. Have a great time!

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  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie ·
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    Nope, not the AH in the slightest. Covid has been such a PITA for wedding related things. Why shouldn't you get something good out of it, and use it as an excuse to drop those people who as you say are really only acquaintances at this point?

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