Will i regret not having another child to my new husband?

For me, having kids should be one of those things that are “hell yes” or not at all.
There are lots of reasons to have kids that may not make sense to anyone else, but if you are fighting with your gut to decide, listen to your gut.
And think about being 58 with a 20 year old LOL I had my youngest at 33 - I’m 52 now, she turns 19 this month, and those teenage years coinciding with menopause....were interesting.

No matter how much I wanted another child, I wouldn't want to have a baby with a man who was ambivalent. If you want him (rightfully so!) to be an equal parent, you want him to be fully on board from the beginning.

I think this is something that your FH really needs to make a decisive decision about. Children can be a deal breaker and as you have pointed out, the reality of the matter is that if he wants a child with you, he pretty much needs to decide now.

View Quoted Comment He is just the type of person that was never hard one way or another.....he wasn't the type of person that "always knew he wanted children" like some people are, he was never opposed either. My father didn't particularly want kids but my mom did and he was a wonderful father to me and my brother. My ex-husband WANTED kids, and even pushed for a third and he is almost completely absent from their lives aside from an afternoon visit a month-per his choice. I don't believe that everyone knows for sure what they want. He's also been there for my kids in so many more ways than my ex was. Whether or not he would be an equal partner or a good father was never a concern for me.

View Quoted Comment Problem is my gut changes 🙄. Some days I can't imagine not having another.....other days I can't imagine starting over 🤷‍♀️. Can't they just come out when they're five???

View Quoted Comment God I know! If I were 40, I’d want a baby with FH but he’s 10 years older, his kids are in their 30s and he’d decline my offer LOL

I don’t have experience with this myself, but I can pass on my cousin’s experience. She had 2 children from her first marriage, her (now) husband also had 2 children from his first marriage. The kids ranged from 11-15 when they got married. They discussed whether they wanted to have a child together, and ultimately decided no because their existing children were already so old and they were both aging as well (she was 40, he was 43) and they worried about how old they would be when the child reached the age of their current children. Then she unexpectedly got pregnant. She had a lot of complications with the pregnancy and nearly lost the baby on 3 separate occasions. It was a really rough pregnancy. But the baby ended up being ok! He’s now 3 years old now she says she couldn’t imagine their family without him- that he completed the family. She said having a kid later in life makes you a MUCH more laid back parent, and she’s having more fun with this one than she did with all the others. And the 4 other children adore him and help out a lot.

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I'm 35, my husband is 38, neither of us has previously married or had kids, and we are currently trying to conceive. Prior to going for it would have conversations about whether or not we wanted to try for a baby, and my husband has always been very much about supporting what I wanted because I'd be the one to bear the physical burden of growing and birthing a child. Instead of being like "its absolutely important to me that I become the biological father of another human being" he has always felt more like "I want to be with you, and I would like to try to have a baby with you, but you being my life partner is more important than us being able to conceive or you having to go through pregnancy if that's not what you want to do." I wouldn't call it ambivalence at all, so I get where you are coming from with your husband. I also understand how it can be frustrating, because sometimes your partner's "go with the flow" attitude can make it feel like the decision rides all on you, and that can be a lot of pressure.

I would say two things. 1) Do some scenario planning with your husband. How will he feel if you have a baby and it has special needs? How does he envision his life changing if you two have a baby? What does he envision the future looking like if you don't have a baby? Etc. 2) If you are both on board with having a kid, but not 100% in the "we definitely want a baby by any means" boat, perhaps give yourself a limited time to TTC (after being cleared by your doc) and then accept whatever happens. Maybe its let's try for a year and if it happens naturally great, but if not then we are going to accept it and move on.

Also have you considered how a new baby would impact your teen and pre-teen? Depending on your family dynamic it might be worth asking them what they think about you having another baby. You might get some unique perspectives!

My FH and I were both married previously. We both had two children from our previous marriages. At age 39, I unexpectedly got pregnant (while on birth control-lol). I was VERY nervous about my age as I had my other children in my twenties. My pregnancy was wonderful (as were my first two) I did not notice a big difference in how I felt and I had no complications. At my first appointment I asked my doctor about being older and she told me that I was very healthy and didn’t have any of the health factors that are common in “older” women so my pregnancy should be fine as far as my health.. her one point, though, was 39 year old eggs are 39 year old eggs. Our daughter is now 4 and healthy, smart and beautiful. She is spoiled by her 4 older siblings (my oldest is 19 and basically her second mom). She always has someone to play with - making my job easier- haha. I worry a bit about being old when she’s in high school or college but I feel she kind of keeps me young- I can’t imagine her not being here... even though I was happy with our family the way it was.
I will say... date nights are fewer, my living room is full of toys once again and family vacations are considered with her age in mind- so it’s a different path than I expected.
It is up to you and your FH. You know what you are prepared for and what goes in to parenting. Good luck with your decision, it will be right for you and your family- whatever it is... 💗 picture of me and my little at bedtime story time the other night...

Well, I can't speak personally, but I can say this was almost my mom's exact situation.

She had three kids from her first marriage. She then married my dad (who had no children, but really, really wanted them) and had two more. I'm the youngest. There is 25 years between me and my oldest sibling, 15 years between the two sets of kids (youngest from the first and oldest from the second) and my mom was 45 when she had me.

My mom had no problems with pregnancy, I was small but perfectly healthy. I had a great childhood and the best parents, and honestly, I think we (second round of kids) benefited a lot from our mom having already been through all the nonsense with the older kids.

I will tell you this, and I'm about to be a downer, but the only downside is knowing I will lose my parents earlier than most people my age. Of course, this can be true anyway due to illness and other unpredictable events, but knowing that a lot of people get to have their parents into their late 50s/early 60s and I won't does make me sad. My mom would be 95 when I'm 50 (I lost my dad last year.) I know I'm not going to have that luxury.

Other than that, there's nothing unusual about our family situation - except maybe that my oldest sibling is older than my parents-in-law. That's a little odd.

Spend some time enjoying married life (at least 1 year?) before deciding may help.


I was mid 40’s when I married my hubby (he was mid 50’s, his second marriage). Neither one of us had or wanted kids. We occasionally thought about it our first year but four years in and we’re very happy without. He can probably retire in his 60’s (we’re middle class not wealthy), and we are already getting tired with our jobs and couldn’t imagine kids. But listen to your hearts and talk about it.

I cannot relate BUT I was adopted when my mom was 46. I’m 27 now and my mom is 73. All I know is that my mom really wanted me and fought for me, even at 46, as a single mom with a full time job. I’m sure it was incredibly exhausting especially when I grew up. But she’s the toughest lady I know. Maybe it would be easier with teenage kids who could help out with a new born? I say if you want a new baby, I’ve never met someone who said “I wish I didn’t have this kid” haha. Sorry I’m not more help.

View Quoted Comment We have a few things in common. My mom married later on in life and had me in her 40’s and my dad was in his late 40’s. I’m now 20 years old and my mom’s 65, I just realized my mom will also be 95 when I’m 50. 😬 And unfortunately I lost my dad last year as well (not due to covid). Until last year, I never thought about that since my parents are older, it’s more likely for me to lose them earlier in my life than everyone else my age. And my two step sisters from my dad’s first marriage are in their 40’s now....double my age 💀

View Quoted Comment I'm definitely familiar with the older parents factor.....my parents were 34 & 38 when they had me (OLD for the 80s) then 38 & 42 when my brother was born. I lost my dad 3 years ago at 35, I had thought I'd have another 20 years with him. My mother is 71, and in great health but obviously you never know.

View Quoted Comment So sweet! Yes....I know that if I had another that I wouldn't be able to imagine life without. My main mental block is the next 5-6 years and how crazy it will be with teen schedules and a baby, I'm already running around like crazy! I try to look at how life will look not just through the next 5 years but beyond that even when they are grown and I'd then be an empty nester. Some people are like "omg! You'll be an empty nester before you're 45!" Sometimes that sounds great, other times it sounds sad

I'm not sure if you decided whether or not to have kids with your new husband but if you haven't I'd like to share my experience with you. I am on my second marriage and we have been together for 10 years. I have 2 kids from my first marriage ages 16 and 12. I am 38 and my husband is 43. It took us 8 years to decide whether or not to have a child of our own. By the way, he also has 2 kids from his previous marriage who are now in their teens. I almost said no to more children but I am glad I changed my mind. Having our daughter and experiencing motherhood all over again has been the most amazing part of our relationship. So much so that we are considering having another one. Our daughter is 2. While her older siblings ADORE her I can already see how lonely she starts feeling. My older kids visit their dad every other weekend and she doesn't understand why they leave. If it's in your heart to have another one go for it. Will it change your life? Sure it will. You will adjust and adapt. Think about how you will feel 10 years from now? Will you be happy with the decision you made? Or will you have regrets?

It cannot be said that there is a single solution that will suit everyone. I am the second daughter in the family. When my younger brother was born, my mother was 40, and my father was 45. Naturally, I was against my mother giving birth because I understood that adults need peace, stability, and freedom at this age.

My husband and I have been debating having our own children for a while now and are now 99% going to. I'll tell you our background for perspective. He had 4 children from his first marriage (aged 9-15 when we met) and I had 1 from my first marriage (aged 4 when we met). I had my daughter when I was 23 so was prepared to be a young mom and grandmother but my first marriage was very toxic and ended before I was able to have more kids, leaving my little to be an only child. The step kids reside in different states so rarely saw one another. My husband and I are also 18 years apart in age. My step kids' mom was very bitter following the divorce and it eventually deteriorated their relationship with my husband and I over time. We still reach out but it was too tough on them taking all the heat from their mom every time they spent time with us on our every other weekends, they eventually stopped coming over entirely so we supported them in this and now meet up on the fly (they are aged 16-21 now). My daughter had a hard time with not seeing them and essentially being an only child since they did not reside with us. We also split time and holidays with my ex so it's just my husband and I every other week and even on some holidays which is very sad. Though he is now in his early 50s, holidays and family time is something we want to experience with a full house and big family so have decided to start having kids. It stinks that he is older and will be in his early 70s when they graduate high school and I will be in my mid-50s but it really comes down to this: short-term: how you want your daily life to be? long-term: when you look back and memories, vacation, and family gatherings, are you okay being how you are now or would you envision yourself with more children in these instances now and as you get older? Also, kids grow up and make their own decisions. Speaking from someone with adult stepchildren, some may decide not to have children or make other decisions that impact family time or grandchildren dynamics so keep that in mind too.