Wine in the ceremony??

Not having wine in the ceremony at all. Or any alcohol for that matter. Did they say why the wine was needed? I’d say don’t include it if it’s not really something you want at your wedding.

Is it a religious thing to have wine in the ceremony? It seems odd to me that your officiant would request it. We're serving alcohol at the reception but won't be drinking during the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU! I mean, this is a first I’ve heard that an officiant having a say in decisions. I thought you just hire an officiant to officiate the wedding! I emailed her and asked her why the wine is needed. My coworker said something about blessings.

When I first saw the white wine part in the contract I asked her “why white wine?” And she responded with “so it doesn't make a mess.” And I’m like, “why even have wine at all?” Lol.
So I’ll see what she says….

View Quoted Comment I mean it’s a Jewish wedding. I know about breaking the glass but I didn’t know wine was needed too. My parents didn’t have drinks during their ceremony. But they had a civil ceremony not a Jewish one. My fiancé and I just decided on not having alcohol at our wedding reception because it seems like a big hassle with the restaurant we are using. I just emailed our rabbi asking why the wine is needed. So we’ll see what she says. We’re not be wine drinkers and our ceremony is kind of at a historical venue.

View Quoted Comment Lol right!! To have a couple drinks before? I’ve never heard of that before. I’d be surprised to see what she says.

I'm not familiar with Jewish religious traditions, but I know in Catholic weddings where they have communion, the ceremony would include wine. It hasn't been a part of masses I've attended since COVID, but when it was, everyone would just take a sip, not a full glass or anything.

View Quoted Comment Hahahah. Yeah. Well, I’ll see what she says! I’ll keep you updated!

View Quoted Comment 😳 our entire family (with the exception of one alcoholic) does not even drink! I know a lot of Catholic traditions kind of stem from Jewish ones. I remember having my first sip of wine at an episcopal church in high school. Lol. I told my mom, “this is not grape juice!” And literally everyone after me had to have the same sip of wine too! So germy!

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Yeah I never loved the whole "drinking from the same cup" thing either. Even in normal times a lot of people skipped that part of communion lol. Depending on how strict your officiant is, you may be able to substitute grape juice. Some churches I've been to have done that, but plenty of others are committed to wine.

It's part of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony that the couple each take a sip from the same cup of wine. Maybe you can ask your officiant to do kosher grape juice instead. However, when you said "we want a normal ceremony" what did you mean? If you hire a rabbi, that means they will probably require at least some of the traditional Jewish rituals. For a Jewish wedding the wine IS "normal." So I' not sure why you chose that type of officiant if you don't want that kind of ceremony.

View Quoted Comment I mean, I’d love to drink wine but we are going to try for a baby during this time too. I’ll have to think about it. Hopefully and maybe she would be ok with the grape juice! I’m not too fond of grape juice lol. Maybe pomegranate juice! Even though that isn’t white….hmmm lol

View Quoted Comment The symbolism is that the wine is slightly bitter, just like life can be, but you will endure the bitterness together. So hopefully a tangy fruit juice will be acceptable. (However, if you're not pregnant yet then one tiny sip of wine isn't going to matter.)

View Quoted Comment Lol you’re such a nice and supportive person lol. Maybe you don’t know many people that are not Jewish by religion. I just wanted a normal ceremony. We are having a Jewish wedding because that’s what my fiancé wants. All I know about the ceremony is the breaking of the glass. I don’t know what else it entitles. I didn’t/don’t know if wine is normal in a Jewish Wedding. When meeting the Rabbi, she did not mention that, I only saw it in the contract last night.


I hope you feel better today. It’s a healthy thing not to lash out to people! Feel better!

So I just learned that it is a tradition in Jewish Weddings! I had to ask again in another wedding group on Facebook! And a woman kindly explained everything to me! It’s part of 7 blessings. The rabbi blesses the wine and you drink it afterwards.

This raised my eyebrows... I texted my rabbi to make sure, and wine is definitely the norm for Jewish ceremonies, but not required. Just like any other ritual, like wine on shabbat or during seder-- wine is the norm but you're still fulfilling the mitzvot with a substitute. There are plenty of people who don't drink, for a variety of reasons, and those people can substitute sparkling cider or grape juice. I understand why your rabbi would assume you're doing wine, but they shouldn't insist on it.

View Quoted Comment No one is lashing out. Just trying to get more information so I can help you better. 🙂 Most users on these forums aren't familiar with Jewish weddings, so I understand you may not have found the answer you're looking for yet. Lots of couples do "Jew-ish" weddings where they incorporate some of the traditions without following all the super religious elements (which is basically what I did).

If you haven't signed the contract with the rabbi yet, I recommend waiting on that until you do more research on Jewish wedding traditions. Ask your fiancé which of those elements are really important to him, and identify the ones you're not comfortable with such as the wine drinking. He should compromise and not pressure you into doing anything. Once you two are on the same page, then read the fine print about what this rabbi would require. Don't be afraid to ask her which parts of the ceremony she can be flexible with -- maybe she won't make you drink wine, but if it's required, you don't have to hire her. Pick an officiant who fits your ceremony, not the other way around.

I can share some great websites and articles to help you. One of my favorites is https://www.smashingtheglass.com/ They have a whole section on "Jew-ish" ceremony ideas and you can see what other couples have done. Hopefully this gives you and your fiancé ideas on how to have the Jewish wedding he wants while still customizing it to your liking.

So I asked in another wedding group on Facebook! And a woman kindly explained everything to me! It’s part of 7 blessings. And I just learned that it is a tradition in Jewish Weddings! The rabbi blesses the wine on the first blessing and after the 7 blessings you drink the wine. Always learning!

View Quoted Comment Omg! Cider would be a great substitution!!! This is the first time learning about the wine stuff and the 7 blessings! Thanks so much for writing to me!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

View Quoted Comment Ok, because it sounded like you were mad at me for not knowing anything about Jewish traditions. I already signed the contract with the Rabbi because I do like her a lot. She probably just forgot to mention that part during our meeting. A woman on another wedding group I’m apart of kindly gave me a lot of info which definitely makes sense now. I asked my fiancé about the wine tradition he didn’t know either. Even though he’s the Jewish one in our relationship, he probably knows just as much as I do- breaking the glass! And I learned recently that the chuppah was necessary and he wanted that. So we’re working together on it. Thank you for being friendly on this post!

As others mentioned, saying a blessing over wine is a required component of Jewish wedding ceremonies. You only have to take one sip, and the only other person who would be drinking from the cup is your spouse. A single sip shouldn't matter if you're trying to get pregnant, but I don't see why you can't ask your Rabbi about substituting something else, such as grape juice