Worst cracker jokes needed for the wedding please!!

How do you make an egg roll? You push it.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

How much does it cost pirates to get earrings? A Buccaneer.

These are the cracker kits I've bought for the favours. They will each have a joke, a fortune telling fish, love heart sweets and a little furry bug with our names and the wedding date on the ribbon. We're hoping people will have a lot of fun with those in the photographs!

We wanted something to help break the ice as a lot of people won't know each other. Something a bit silly, but tied in to how FH proposed - he said he'd propose if we found a ring in our leftover crackers, so we pulled them all. There wasn't a ring so he didn't propose, but the next day said he wished there had been one so proposed after all.

Hahah sxc. Inappropriate.

That may have crossed my mind, was biting my tongue to not say it lol

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?

Because of his coffin.

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?

BANANANAAAAAA BANANANAAAAAA

What do you call a nosey pepper?

Jalapeno business.

(you may have to say it out loud to get it.)

I think we may have highlighted a UK/US language issue! Sorry for any offence caused! :-) Hopefully with the pictures I've posted above that clears up what I'm talking about…! I didn't realise you didn't really have crackers over there, they are such a huge part of Christmas here!

Who do horses love the most?

Their neeeeiiiggghhhhbors

What do bee's use to brush their hair?

Honey Combs

I'm also doing cracker favours but I'm just buying them. I didn't know there were kits. Where did you find your kit? Also, what is a fortune telling fish?

People do still get crackers on holidays but it's not been a big thing to do for a long time. It's something that was really big with my grandparents, less so with my parents and even less with us.

My crackers came from simplycrackers.co.uk who were really helpful with sending samples so I got the right sizes and letting me choose the ribbons. The crackers look really good too, although a little fiddly to put together. There are lots of kits around in all different colours. I'm buying the fillings separately but you can even buy sets of things to put in them as well.

Most stuff I'm just buying in bulk, but I'll print the jokes myself onto paper with our wedding "logo" on the back, and I had the fuzzy bugs made up by a company who does promotional products - a friend did me a good deal on getting the ribbons printed with our details.

A fortune telling fish is a very thin piece of plastic that you put on your hand. It curls differently depending on how warm your hand is and tells you whether you are "jealous", "in love", "passionate" etc. They're a silly bit of fun but a great ice breaker and only about 5-10p each - I got mine from Amazon.

What school subject are snakes best at? Hiss-tory

what do you get if you cross an orange with a comedian? Peels of laughter

What would you get if all the cars in Britain were red? A red carnation (a red-car-nation)

Why can't a bike stand up by itself? Because it's two-tired

Why did the chicken cross the football field? Because the referee whistled for a fowl

Why is Europe like a frying pan? Because it has Greece at the bottom

what do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? Lost

How did the Vikings send secret messages? By Norse code

Knock, Knock - who's there - Mikey - Mikey Who - Mi- key doesn't fit in the keyhole

Knock, Knock - who's there - wooden shoe - wooden shoe who - wooden shoe like to hear another joke

Knock, knock - who's there - Nobel - Nobel who - Nobel that's why I knocked

Knock, knock - who's there - lettuce - lettuce who - lettuce in and you'll find out

What did one toilet say to another? You look a bit flushed.

What did the paper say to the pencil? Write on!

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed

What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner

Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can fight knight

What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Some day my prints will come

What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we'll go places

What is it that even the most careful person overlooks? Her nose

Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank? He wanted to make a clean get away

What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They're always stuffed

What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch

What animal has more lives than a cat? Frogs, they croak every ni

Get a bag of Laffy Taffy and save all the jokes...There are usually good ones in there.

If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make? slippers

Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears

Why don't they serve chocolate in prison? Because it makes you break out

What cheese is made backwards? Edam ("made" backwards)

I have more if you need .... one of the "joys" of having four kids with warped senses of humor

Why couldn't a pony sing? It was a little horse.

How much do pirates pay to pierce their ears? A buck an ear.

What do witches eat at the beach? Sandwiches.

What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website

What did the computer do at lunchtime? Had a byte

Why was the computer cold? It left it's Windows open

What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory

What makes pirates such good singers? They can hit the high C's

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed

Did you ever hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head

David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and ______? (David)

Why did the kid study in an airplane? He wanted a higher education

What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil? Stop going in circles and get to the point

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? a stick

Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poker Face

An oldie but goodie:

Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

HAHA! @SXC- That make me laugh until I had tears!

I love this idea!! I remember my great grandma giving crackers as gifts as a child. I may borrow your idea since My wedding is on 4th of July weekend.