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Jessica
Just Said Yes April 2021

Would it be rude to only invite a select few kids to our wedding?

Jessica, on October 17, 2020 at 12:19 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 26

The way our guest list has grown blows my mind. One night, we had about 45, then we go over to my future MIL’s place and start talking about more names we might want to add. They came up with about 50 more people in a single night. Our number is now 96. Now, I’ve always liked the idea of a larger...
The way our guest list has grown blows my mind. One night, we had about 45, then we go over to my future MIL’s place and start talking about more names we might want to add. They came up with about 50 more people in a single night. Our number is now 96. Now, I’ve always liked the idea of a larger wedding, and all the people they added (after talking to my fiancé, who said yay or nay to each one) are people who mean a lot to him/their family. They’re not like my MIL’s work friends or just randoms. So at first I didn’t mind doubling our guest count.


The problem came when we discovered the venue we were seriously considering - practically decided on - only holds about half that number of people. So if we want this venue, we have to cut our list way down, which we really don’t want to do. And now onto my question: I realized that we have so many children that’ll be invited along with their parents. If we don’t invite the kids, our guest list will go way down and we might be able to make our original venue choice work. But I know there’s a lot of risk with an adults-only wedding. We might lose a lot of people that we’re trying to keep. And what’s worse is there’s some kids we kinda need to invite, like our ring bearer and flower girl, plus some children of super close family; siblings, nieces, and a couple cousins.
I don’t know if this is the right way to go. I’m super worried about hurting anybody’s feelings or missing some special people on our wedding day. But the only other choice is to book a bigger venue, which will cost more. And I’m having a huge problem trying to find one within our budget that’ll fit almost 100 people. Any advice? I’m open to any ideas or suggestions.
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26 Comments

  • Jessica
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Jessica ·
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    That's exactly how it would be with us. The only kids that would be at our wedding are either in the wedding party or extremely close family that we see all the time. I'm so torn because on one hand, I am worried what people will think when they see a few kids there, that aren't in the wedding party, and theirs weren't invited. However, on the other hand, neither one of us are close with any of the kids we'd be leaving out. My fiance only knows their parents and I haven't even met any of them. So I almost feel like people would understand if the kids weren't invited. I'm trying to walk the line between being considerate of my guests and remembering that it's mine and my fiance's day and we make the decisions.

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  • A
    Dedicated October 2021
    Adrienne ·
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    I know i noticed that the kids were at that wedding last year and realized it said adults only - but i in no way blamed the bride and groom, actually thought it was the guests who were wrong to bring them. but i think most people will understand that family and close friends are different than just some acquaintance's kid you've never met.' - on the flip side, you don't know if those people have little monsters for children who could RUIN your wedding. Shame on them for judging you guys though if they do. I doubt they would though.

    i'd honestly just put it as "Adults Only" and tell the ones who you are letting bring kids directly so they know they can bring them - also for the ones who you are allowing their kids to come put their kids names on the envelope too or "The XXXX Family" while the ones where its just the parents put just "Mr. XXXX Smith & Mrs. XXXX Smith" etc, or send invitations directly for the children too.

    And put in the response card "_____ number of guests will be attending" so you know how many to plan for.

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  • Ashley
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Ashley ·
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    But how would you write that out
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  • T
    Just Said Yes May 2025
    Theresa ·
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    So, for my wedding I may have a unique case to bypass this rule but keeping etiquette in mind still is obviously crucial to the success of the wedding and guest satisfaction. I have a couple coming from across the border who I am related to and they have one child who would be two by the time of the wedding date. No one else coming from the States who I am related two have children who are under 18 except that couple. Would it be feasible to have just her since they can't have other family members watch her back home? I live in Canada and I have approximately 10 family members coming from the States for the wedding. There are multiple couples from our region in Canada who have children.
    We really don't want to decrease our guest list at this point but we may have to if it means all or no kids. What are your thoughts?
    Thanks Smiley smile

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  • C
    CM ·
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    That depends. Are the couples in your region friends or relatives? It’s always been proper to make cuts by category, for example only family member’s children, only nieces and nephews, etc. If some guests with children are relatives related in the same exact way are they local enough so that they can easily hire a sitter for the night? If not, you may run into some issues.


    Again, children are not all or nothing according to any reputable etiquette guide and never have been. It’s perfectly fine to invite close family children but not kids of friends. That said, I would argue that being in the wedding party in and of itself does not provide an exception, but the relationship can. For instance, I would never invite a four year old flower girl but not her brother or cousin related to me in the same way, assuming families are all close.
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  • Nancy
    Just Said Yes April 2026
    Nancy ·
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    This is our dilemma. - with family coming from out of state with little ones, we really can't say NO kids - they aren't going to have someone to watch them during the wedding - and we'd love to say they can come but then the wedding party has little ones that we really don't want there due to both mom & dad will be standing in the wedding and who's going to watch their kids?

    Is it totally rude to advise the wedding party they can't bring their kids but let them know & hopefully understand that family really has no choice?

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