Would you ask someone to be a bridesmaid out of obligation?

It sounds like either way, you'll have drama. She's a BM = drama. She's not a BM = drama. I'd prefer to deal with the drama that will occur with her NOT being a BM. Especially if she knowingly says things that hurt your feelings.

BIL can man up and make up his own mind about being a groomsman.

No I would not ask someone out of "obligation". I wouldn't want someone who has repeatedly hurt my feelings, standing up with me, on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

I personally wouldn't ask her. And I would be very clear as to why I am not asking.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I’d rather deal with the drama of not including her then the stress/awkwardness of having her in the BP if you aren’t close to her.

I'm currently going through a bit of a similar situation. Both my fiancé and each have 1 older sibling, him a sister and me a brother. My brother and I are super close and he also gets along well with my fiancé. My brother will be a groomsmen, however, I have reservations about including my fiancé's sister as a bridesmaid because she's personally stolen from me in her own home and denied it to my face when I confronted her about it and had proof of a photo of her wearing what she had stolen that she posted on social media. Some time has passed since that incident occurred and I've learned that it is what it is. Im civil with her, but don't go out of my way to make plans with her. I don't want to include her as a BM, however my fiancé already voiced that it wouldn't be fair if my brother was in the wedding and his sister wasn't. Also, I know their mother would have her own negative opinions about it. So, to save the argument, I will be including her as a BM, but not in any of the pre-wedding activities such as the bachelorette, dress hunting, etc.

Each situation and family is different. Like the previous response, it seems like it's a lose/lose for you either way. Perhaps consider something similar to what I'm doing and have her as a BM her to save the family drama from occurring, but just have her show up the day of and not include her in any pre-wedding activities? Either way, good luck with your situation. It's YOUR wedding. Whatever decision you end up making, don't let any drama that may come with it ruin your special day.

I would so no as you aren't close to her. If people don't understand that you aren't close they should understand why you aren't in it. If the brother decides not to be in his wedding that pretty sad for him as a brother he says no because she wasn't included in yours.

I totally would rather deal with the drama of her not being a BM than having her around me the morning of my wedding, chance of awkwardness and drama during that, and in all of my wedding photos if she’s not my favorite person

I'm going the opposite way of all of the PP's. If you have one sister-in-law, I think you should have both. I think it's just wrong to have all of the in-laws except for her in the wedding. Hello awkward family get-togethers.

This is a difficult situation. I personally believe if you have one SIL then you should have the other. It would be different if you never saw her again, but she's your family now and you will see her at every family function.

TBH, this is when it starts to become more about the guests and bridal party then the bride. YOU DECIDE. it is not their day!

if you are not comfortable with it, then don't have her. I get the pressure of having her in the bridal party - I recently asked 3 of my best friends and regret not having it be family only bridal parties. So i get it.

View Quoted Comment I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking this Victoria. If you have one then you should have the other especially if there will be drama either way per the OP. My thought is she may end up not having as much drama because both will be in it but I don't know the family.

Do not ask someone to be in a wedding party out of obligation. No no no.

Yeah that's hard. I don't think she would be surprised if she wasn't, but if it sounds like she will throw a fit, be prepared to back to you decision. Personally, I wouldn't include her. I would hate seeing someone in my bridal party photos that I didn't actually want there and doesn't actually like me.

Your bridal party should be the people who are nearest and dearest to you. It should also only include people who you are close to. If she gets hurt feelings because she wasn't chosen hen she needs to deal wit it not you.

No - do not have ANYONE in your wedding out of obligation. Either way you are gonna be in for drama (hence no BP in our wedding, yay) but without her you will have drama w/out her in the bridal party.

You aren't under obligation to include her, but I probably would (unless you are having a very small wedding party of just two or three people on each side).

Even though you don't really like her, she is going to be your family member now for the rest of your life. So If she's the only one not in the wedding, it's sure to cause hard feelings even if it shouldn't. Inviting her could help set a tone of friendliness from your side going into this lifelong relationship.

If you choose not to, I wouldn't get into why, as in telling people you don't like her. Just stick to "unfortunately there were a limited number of slots available, and my closest friends and family numbered more than those slots allowed."

Also of course everyone feels like her husband is an adult and should decide on his own. I agree. However, he is the one who lives with her and will spend his entire life with her, and she is presumably the most important person in his life (that's sorta what being married to someone means), so of course it makes sense that his wife's feelings would factor into certain decisions he makes.

If she’s going to cause drama either way, it’s definitely better for her to do it because she’s NOT a BM. You won’t have to deal with her comments clouding what should be happy moments with the people closest to you.
NO ONE should be in your bridal party unless you want them there. Period.

Do not include her out of obligation... The whole point of the bridal party is to have the people closest to you stand next to you on your special day. If you don't feel that way about her, there's no reason to include her. Like you said, there will be drama either way.

So I asked a BM (previous best friend from high school) out of obligation. We always dreamed of being in each other's weddings but she has changed a lot and we have sort of lost touch. Anyway, I asked her just so I didn't ruffle any feathers.... I totally regret it. She has done nothing but cause drama and been a pain in the ass with my MOH/sister planning everything.

Don't invite someone because you feel obligated, especially if you take having bridesmaids seriously - they will be your lifelong "support system" and it sounds like you aren't close to this woman.

Just my opinion but the complacency is not worth the drama!!!