Would you take this personally?

To answer your question, no I would not take this personally. There is no rule that anyone (including your wedding party) is obligated to stay for your entire event. I also don’t think it is up to any of us to determine whether somebody’s feelings are “valid”. Just being tired from a long day (which wedding parties often have) is perfectly “valid” to leave early; so long as they stay for the photos immediately after the ceremony. It sounds like your friend was going through a hard time with a difficult break up, it hit her hard at your wedding, and she was not emotionally equipped to remain at your event in her emotional state. Just because she helped with another friend‘s wedding doesn’t mean that the evening of your wedding didn’t hit her harder for whatever reason. Maybe there was a song that played that reminded her of him. Maybe you and your SO were more romantic, lovey, happy, etc. than the couple at the other wedding. Maybe she was just at a place in her menstrual cycle that made her emotional. It could be any number of things that made the night of your wedding particularly emotional for her. Although it may have been disappointing that she left early, as her friend, I would have been understanding, sympathetic and supportive. You said yourself that it didn’t ruin your wedding and you had a fantastic night. You said that she “wasn’t there for you on your wedding day”… but it sounds as though she was. She simply ended the evening earlier than you would have preferred.

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Yeah - you do have some good points and all of which are thoughts that have been circling around in my head. I guess where the "friendship-ending" part of it comes in for me is the fact that she has always pointed out to me (like, verbally) when she has better things than me or has something that she knows I desire but don't have. That's why I included that bit of backstory. I really tried to come to terms with the fact that maybe she was just having a really hard time with the break up. I have been so supportive and understanding for her throughout many things in her life, even when I was struggling really bad myself. That's why I felt so hurt that she couldn't put aside her feelings for once for me, but I don't know, I am clearly struggling to navigate my feelings towards it all but thanks for your input. It does help.

Also, she was not a bridesmaid in my wedding (I didn't have any bridesmaids), so she was only there for about 30 minutes. Not saying this to add to my argument, rather just clarifying.

I haven't had my wedding yet, but I have had friends come and go. This is not really something that should be friendship-ending. However, don't hold on to this friendship just because you've been friends since childhood. Sometimes friendships run their course and there doesn't have to be something that ends it. Sometimes you just realize that you don't like the way you feel when they're around, like when you think she's bragging.
It must be said, though... the way you don't like that she brags when she gets things like new car, baby, etc. may have been how she felt sitting at your wedding. Why would you have wanted her to endure that when you know how it feels to be on the other end? It kind of sounds competitive or toxic. Maybe it's time to let go?

Unfortunately you can either let it go and keep being there for your friend, as a friendship is based on way more than a wedding. Or you can choose to phase her out if you don't see her as a good friend. Nothing wrong with either option, and only you know what's best. I have been in both scenarios where I have phased out friends who didn't make me feel like they had my interests at heart, and I have forgiven friends for doing things during their difficult times.

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Asking her to "endure" my wedding is not toxic or competitive. I never brought up marriage or wedding planning in our conversations, so it's not like I was rubbing it in her face by any means because I know exactly how that feels. Plus, even when she bragged about things in her life, I didn't let that affect the way that I felt for her. I was still so happy that she was able to get herself nice things, and I was there for every part of her journey through having a baby. The bragging bit was just more annoying than anything! I think it boils down to feeling like the relationship is really one-sided (and has been for a long time).

No, I wouldn't take it personally that my dear friend was sad about a painful breakup. That said, it sounds like your friendship with her was already on its way out. So, I wouldn't worry about the wedding situation and just carefully consider if you want to still be friends taking everything into consideration. If the answer is no, then feel free to move on.

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Great point about forgiveness during difficult times - I will definitely consider that. I am still just processing a lot of the emotions around the whole thing!

It sounds like you were already done with the friendship and this is the last straw for you. Her reasons are valid to her and that's all that matters. Had your friendship been stronger and in a better place would you have been hurt or would you have understood her leaving early? Are you also upset at the friend that left with her? Childhood friendships sometimes run their course and its ok to walk away from it especially since it sounds like she's always trying to be better than you. If you truly feel this friendship is done let it just fade out, no regrets.

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend. But you're saying you would have wanted her to stay at your wedding eventhough she couldn't handle it emotionally. In other words, suck it up l like I do. That's what I was referring to. All in all, you had a wonderful wedding. I'd just let it go and see how you're friendship pans out.

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Yes, I do think if we had a stronger, more equal relationship that I would be 100% understanding. And that's the thing - I have already been so understanding over the years in similar situations to this. This was just the last straw for me I think. And yes, I was hurt that the other friend left with her. Also, I probably wouldn't have even been as hurt or hurt at all if she just talked to me about it beforehand or even after? Instead, I had to reach out after a couple of months. Like, as a best friend, you would say something like "hey I'm sorry I left early, I'm was just really struggling with 'xyz' so I had to leave early" and the other best friend says "oh my gosh I completely understand! how can I help make you feel better?", and the friendship continues on. But to not even acknowledge it on her part was probably a big component of my hurt, and that my other really good friend left with her.

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No worries! And frankly I've been "sucking it up" for the majority of our friendship so maybe that's why I'm particularly over it now. See my reply to Sharon for a bit more context on why I'm feeling hurt, but yes I'm just gonna let it go though probably distance myself a bit.

From the way I have read your side of the story it would appear you have had a fairly one sided friendship for a while. While no one who comes to the wedding is required to stay for the whole event, it would have been a kind gesture from your friend to have at least stayed to speak with you. I feel like the decision is in your hands, if you came here seeking validation for your feelings then you know that is how you really feel. I do not think you would let one night change a friendship that was not already failing. You do not have to end the friendship meanly or in a bridge burning style, you can simply allow yourselves to grow apart. Best of luck, remember not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever, but that does not mean they were not an important part of it.

View Quoted Comment What did she do wrong though? She was there for the ceremony and dinner? She posed for photos on the correct outfit? What more was planned? Honest question.

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Yes, great points! Thanks for your reply

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She was not a bridesmaid. I did not have bridesmaids, so I guess there was no real obligation for her to be there at all. But your best friend only showing up for the ceremony and dinner, then leaving right afterwards and taking the other friend in the trio without offering any explanation at all doesn't strike you as a bit strange? Could you put yourself in my shoes and try to understand how that would feel? She missed out on 80% of the wedding after the ceremony and dinner (heartfelt speeches from our other friends and family, first dance, father daughter dance, cake cutting, and whole lot of fun dancing), which just made me sad to not have her there. So no, I guess there was no real obligation, but the lack of explanation of why she left and took the other friend with her just really hurt.

No, I wouldn't take it personally. Her reasons for leaving are valid, whether or not you think they're good enough. She's going through a tough time and wasn't in the right emotional or mental space to party. Would you have preferred that she stayed and was noticeably unhappy the whole time? Or would you have then been upset with her for not acting happy enough? Many people don't have the ability to mask their feelings and act super happy for hours at an event like a wedding. She was there for the important part. Would you have even been able to spend quality time with her that evening? At most weddings the couple doesn't spend more than a minute or two with the majority of the guests.

It's understandable to be disappointed that she left and didn't give an explanation in a shorter timeframe. As others have said, it sounds like you've been unhappy in this friendship for some time and it's fine to let the friendship fade away if it's run its course. I wouldn't focus so much on the wedding for this since it sounds like this goes way beyond that one day.

If this was your last straw with her, I don’t think any reason she gave you would have been good enough. One of my best friends left our wedding right after dinner because she had another event to get to. I didn’t even think to ask why she was leaving early. She ended up telling me a few days later, but I wouldn’t have cared either way. People don’t owe you their time and they don’t owe you any explanation of how they’re using their time either. If the other friend that was with her didn’t want to leave when she did, I’m sure she could have figured out a way to stay.

I’ve had a fairly one sided friendship for awhile that I’m sort of fading out. I don’t agree with everyone else here. I don’t think her break up was a good enough reason. Regardless of what’s going on in my life, if I have a friend I’ve known forever that wants me there then I stay because it’s one day and I can suck up my feelings for one day for someone else. That’s how I see it at least

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Yeah I totally agree with you that of course I wouldn't want her to stay and be unhappy! It was more the leaving and never offering an explanation for it part. But thanks for your points!

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Right! I share a lot of the same thoughts.