"Young" Engagement Woes

I know exactly how you feel! My fiance and I have been dating the whole 4 years in college and now are getting married 1 week after his Graduation from college. It is so weird because all my cousins are at least 5 years older than me but I am getting married first. We will both be 23 when we get married. We people say we are so young why are we getting married I want to scream! If any "adult" was dating more than 2 years everyone would be like why aren't they married but since we are so young the 4 years time seems to get thrown out the window! Hang in there and you will do fine! Good luck!

Yes i get this all the time i will be 22 and he will be 21 there is only 4 months in age difference. We got engaged after knowing each other for 5 weeks. Many said when we first got engaged ohh my gosh you are soooo young you need to go out and explore the world you dont need to be tied down. Well they are wrong who needs there opinion in the first place tell them that you are happy and this is what you want! One way i helped this out was that we had a year long engagment so that helped a little. But people no matter what are going to give you there opinion it is very frustraiting but just thing that you love him he loves you and really there opinion doesnt count !

Good luck !

I met my first husband the summer before my senior year of college. He was 2 years older and in graduate school. We were engaged within about a month, and got married a year later, after I graduated.

We had 3 great kids together and were happy for quite a while. Then he had a mid-life crisis (which he denies but everyone else could see) and things fell apart. Our marriage counselor suggested that we married too young and/or too quickly. Honestly, I don't think that waiting longer would have changed anything. There was no way we could have predicted his mid-life crisis. I don't see the marriage as a failure. It lasted nearly 20 years and we have 3 wonderful kids to show for it. OTOH, I am glad it is over, because I don't like the man that he has become.

So, interpret my story however you like. I was in almost exactly your position 22 years ago, and this is where I am now. Some good, some bad... but if I had it to do over again, I probably would still have married him.

For me personally...i take into account how long you've been with him and how far you are in the relationship. i had a friend get married after knowing her guy for barely 2 years and the first 3/4 year they were doing the long distance thing. i fear for their marriage not bc of how old they physically are but bc of how old their relationship was(which to me was still in the baby phase of omg i can't do anything without you or i'll DIE!) anyways. she was a brat and was like "wouldn't it be funny if i got engaged before you" anyways. tangent

I've been with my unofficial FH(yeah still waiting on the proposal yet we have a date, venue, photographer, my dress, etc etc) LOL for SIX years(i'm about to turn 24 and he turns 25 2 months before the wedding) and people have been asking us for the past year "when are yall getting married?!" which i reply not soon enough! :p

so closeminded people look at age and openminded people look at the relationship. ignore the closeminded people

I'm 19 and my fiance is 20. we've been dating for over a year and we set a date three years out so we will be 21 & 22 when the wedding comes along. Nearly everyone i have talked too does give me the shocked, why so young expressions about the wedding. His family thinks it is a big joke, but we live together and have been sharing bills for over 6 months. my family has always been married young and i think its part of how i was raised that it doesnt bother me. everyone sayd well you should get out nd meet other poeple before deciding and i dont want to. i'm happy now. Some people just cant accept that its your future and your choice. Dont let them bother you. because you know how you feel

I definately understand what you are goigng through. My surrogate parents (my mom's twin brother and wife)have been together since my aunt was thirteen. they have four children (not inclusing me) and everytime someone says your young, i think of how happy they are

I'm 19 and my fiance is 20. we've been dating for over a year and we set a date three years out so we will be 21 & 22 when the wedding comes along. Nearly everyone i have talked too does give me the shocked, why so young expressions about the wedding. His family thinks it is a big joke, but we live together and have been sharing bills for over 6 months. my family has always been married young and i think its part of how i was raised that it doesnt bother me. everyone sayd well you should get out nd meet other poeple before deciding and i dont want to. i'm happy now. Some people just cant accept that its your future and your choice. Dont let them bother you. because you know how you feel

I definately understand what you are goigng through. My surrogate parents (my mom's twin brother and wife)have been together since my aunt was thirteen. they have four children (not inclusing me) and everytime someone says your young, i think of how happy they are

I get the complete opposite, I am 24 and the only question out of everybodies mouth since I turned 19 was when I was getting married! The only people who were glad I waited were my mother and grandfather. My previous relationship was 6 years and i thought i was to young to get married at 18 I wanted to go to college and start a career. I met my FH at 21, he wanted to get married right way he is a few years older than I am. I still thought I was to young-but that is just me Ive seen other marriages around me that I didnt want that to happen to me. Ill be 25 when I get married 3mos shy of my 26 bday and I think that is perferct. I still havent completed everything I wanted before I get married but now that I've got him we can do it together!

My Fiance and I are both 21 right now and are getting married in August of 2010.

I was actually very surprised at the positive response from both of our families and all of his neighbors (who pretty much are family too).

The place where I ran into trouble was when I told some of my friends. I had dated my FH twice before for several years each time, but this time we met after not seeing each other for three years and were dating by the end of the first day and engaged by the end of 3 weeks.

Understandably all of my friends were shocked, most having never met the guy...and the fact that I left for winter break single with no expectations of a relationship and came back engaged.

I feel like, I've found the right guy. Like someone earlier said, I couldn't have dreamed up a better man.

When people say that, they are really just saying, "Wow, it would have been horrible if I married that young." They are looking at it from their perspective not yours. Just turn it around and tell them it is too bad they didn't find the love of their life at 21.

I say this because I am 28 and would probably give you that look, but it is because I know what I was like then.

Don't doubt yourself and don't worry about what other people say, and go ahead and tell them that your engaged and be proud about it.

Me n my fiance have been together for 3 years and we are getting married in april. i am only 19 and he is 23, but we dont let ppl get to us. ppl are always saying stuff like that to us too, especially me...lol. but i dont let it get to me. i know were in love and that we will be spending the rest of our lives together and honestly, thats all that matters. just tell them that it is your alls choice, not theirs

I'm 19 and I'm getting married! You're definately not the first to hear that response. Other people will say what they want to say, but what is important is that you know what is right for you. No one else knows you or your relationship like you do. Take comfort in that!

Well to put a cherry on the ice cream my fiance is actualy younger than I. So I get a double whammy when it comes to the "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GETTIN MARRIED? statements lol. He's 21 and I'm 24 but he was the first guy I've found worth serious dating material he has ALL of the qualities I want. So I say WHO CARES if people dont get it. We might be rare breeds. But I'd rather be on this side of the fence than the other any day! Congrats every one

Hey Everyone!

Thank you so much for sharing your stories! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one in this boat!

Thanks for helping me and any others who are feeling the same way out there!

I know that you already have a million responses but I figured I would take a sec to write a short response. I'll be 21 when I'm married and my fiance will be 26 (we're 4 1/2 years apart).. We got engaged this past Christmas and I couldn't have been happier. Both of our families have been nothing but happy for us so in that regard I know I am lucky.Other than family and a few close friends however, I have noticed that some people think I have lost my mind. In one of the classes I am currently taking (I am in college but will have graduated a few months before the wedding) the teacher asked how many of us would be getting married within the next year or so as a joke and I half-heartedly raised my hand. At that time I almost wished I hadn't. Sometimes it surprises me (in a great way, of course) when I say "my fiance" instead of "my boyfriend". I think alot of times I over-anticipate how people will react and deny myself that happiness. I am getting better about not caring what ppl think!

I think that older people say you are two young because most of them got married so young my aunt was 16. They are probably just worried that you will miss some of the things they missed. Personally I got hit with the child without marriage thing. I got pregnant at 19 and now have two kids with one on the way I have been with the same guy the entire time but I refused to rush into marriage simply because I was pregnant. I don't think its about how old you are its about what will make you happy and what you are comfratable with. I have friends who married at young ages and are now divorced... but like I said before my aunt was 16 and has been married for almost 30 years and not an end in site for her marrige. If you find the right person at a young age your sure and he's sure than go for it. I just always would remomend at least a year of engagment personally. However everyone does things differently.

OH YEAH. My FH and I have been engaged for 3 years. We were 19 when he asked me to marry him. When I told my mom she flipped out saying i was so young even though I told her we were planning on having a long engagement. We are now 22 almost 23 and our wedding is in 4 months and I still get looks and lectures from Family members. You would think after this long they would just give up.

I think it has a lot to do with the divorce rate of young people and the fact that todays generation of people our age party more then the previous generations.

All that matters is that you know you are ready and he knows he is ready. Keep your Chin up and don't be ashamed to tell anyone! This is one of the biggest things to happen to you, cherish it!

Good Luck

I think Thistle is exactly right. I definitely cringe when I hear about people so young getting engaged/married. The primary reason is that I think about the things that I "knew" at that age (things I felt with all my heart) that I didn't really know at all. I was much better at seeing what I wanted to see rather than the actual situation when I was younger. I feel like now I have a much better grasp on reality and better judgment, even though I remember feeling like I had my whole life figured out when I was 21/22 (including the long-term bf). The other reason young marriages make me nervous is that the vast majority of my friends/family got married between 18 and 23. I've had to sit back & watch the end result of rushing - their relationships crumbling. Few/none of them are happy, and several of them are divorced already. Thistle is absolutely right that my response would be based on my experience, not yours. That being said, I wish you the best of luck & happiness! 'Grats!

ya'll are like us. we have dated for 7 yrs and know each other pretty well. it's not like we just met. i think that's why there are so many divorces now. people want to marry someone they don't know. someone completely different from themselves...why is that? people are at awe that we have been together that long. but i just say 7 is a lucky number! at age 21 you are a legal adult. if you all want to get married...go for it. it's about what you want not what THEY want.♥

I can totally relate. My Fh is 25 and i am 22. WHen we get married i will be 24 and he will be 27. We aren't your average couple either. We met on match dated for 2 years and got engaged this pass january. His parents keep telling us they dated for 5 years and so on and so fourth and that they didn't get married until they were in their LATE 20's early 31's (his mom was 27 and his dad was 31) As crazy as it seems in other peoples eye i feel like things have change. People like to get married young. And if you two really love each other (which i am pretty sure you do) than you shouldn't let peoples opinons get in the way of your special day. They already had their wedding and now its time to have yours! Be happy! and tell them that this is not their life this is yours and his. I hope this helps!

If I hear... "ARE YOU SURE?" one more time..... lol

I think those who say that haven't found the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with OR are living unhappily in regret.