12 Questions to Ask If You're on the Fence About a Guest
The dos and don’ts of creating a wedding guest list can be tricky (and stressful) at times.
Photo: Julie Wilhite Photography
The dos and don’ts of creating a wedding guest list can be tricky (and stressful) at times. It’s typically pretty easy to narrow down the A-list and B-list invites, but when it comes to the C-list and beyond, the answer isn’t always so clear.
Here are 12 questions to ask yourself when you’re on the fence about inviting a guest.
Has this person met my fiancé(e)?
Depending on the guest in question, if the answer is no, it’s probably best to keep them off the invite list. With so many other things happening on your wedding day, meeting someone for the first time shouldn’t be one of them. Some exceptions: Family members and longtime friends who don’t live nearby.
Does this person get along with my S.O. and vice versa?
You might want to invite that college friend who’s always guaranteed to show you a wild night on the town, or your distant cousin who’s infamous for stirring up trouble from time to time, but your S.O. might see things differently. If there’s any lingering tension about a guest, we feel that it’s best to avoid a possible argument with your fiancé(e) and skip the invite.
Did I personally tell them about my engagement?
We’ll keep this one simple: If you didn’t share your exciting news with them directly, or they didn’t personally reach out to congratulate you on getting engaged, then they don’t need to be at your wedding.
Do I keep regular contact with them?
Regular contact could mean anything from daily conversations (your BFFL) to a monthly or bi-monthly catch-up (your childhood bestie), so this one has a little wiggle room. As long as they’re in-the-know about your latest move, job promotion, etc., we think that warrants an invite.
Will they know anyone else at my wedding?
This isn’t the most important deciding factor, but it’s still something to consider nonetheless. You don’t want to spend your reception feeling guilty that so-and-so hasn’t made any friends and is sitting all alone at their table.
Was I (or would I expect to be) invited to their wedding?
The golden rule of guest lists states that you don’t have to invite someone to your wedding just because you were invited to theirs. On the other hand, if your feelings would be hurt by not being invited to their wedding, then you should probably invite them to yours.
Are they a family member?
Family members come in all shapes and sizes, and just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t mean you’re close with them (or even keep in contact). Try the holiday rule: If you haven’t seen them at family holiday gatherings for the last few years, it’s okay to keep them off the list.
Am I only inviting this person because someone else told me to?
Guest lists can quickly get out of hand when parents, grandparents and friends start making requests. Think about how you know the guest(s) in question and how many times you have recently spoken with them. As for explaining why someone won’t make the cut, venue capacity and budget are always safe reasons.
Did they already get a “word of mouth” invite by my friends/family?
It’s definitely an awkward situation when someone you’re not close with has received an implied invitation to your wedding, but don’t feel obligated to extend an invite for this reason alone. If they didn’t make the final cut, leave the bearing of bad news to whoever invited them in the first place — again, venue and budget are valid reasons.
Do I plan to stay in touch with them for years to come?
Consider this question when deciding about accidental friends, i.e. your coworkers, neighbors, gym buddies, etc. If you wouldn’t keep in contact with them once you’ve moved to a new apartment or changed jobs, you might want to pass on sending an invite.
Do I want them in my wedding pictures?
A little superficial, we know, but pictures really do last forever. This goes hand-in-hand with planning to keep in touch with someone. You don’t want to look at your wedding album in 30 years and wonder, “Who is that?”
Does my instinct say I should/shouldn’t invite this person?
The bottom line: trust your gut. It’s usually spot-on!
