Invited to Two Weddings on the Same Weekend? You Got This.
There is a right way to deal with this conundrum.
Photo: Thompson Photography Group
It happens. Every once in a while, two invitations show up in your mailbox and you’re suddenly stuck in the dilemma of who to choose on a day of competing nuptials. Do you go to your college roommates wedding in town? Or make it to your cousin’s destination wedding a plane ride away? Can you ever squeeze in both? We can’t all be Katherine Heigl a lá 27 Dresses, paying a cab driver a full night’s wage to bring us back and forth between two receptions.
But there is a right way to deal with the conundrum of being invited to two weddings on the same weekend.
Scenario One: Two Weddings on the Same Day
You’ve been invited to two weddings on the exact same day, with very similar timeframes. Who to choose? It’s not always so simple, but here are a few things to consider:Is it a case of friend versus family? If so— and you have a good relationship with your family— pick your family. While your friend may be disappointed you can’t make their big day, skipping a family wedding may disappoint more than just the happy couple: We’re talking about upsetting Grandma and Grandpa, your parents, and some aunts and uncles with a no RSVP.
In the case of two friends, you may feel a little more stuck. If you happen to be in the wedding party of one of the weddings, your decision has been made for you. But if you’re a “regular” guest, you may be facing a bigger dilemma. If the weddings are geographically close to each other, you could consider attending the ceremony and cocktail hour of one wedding, and the reception of another. However, keep in mind skipping a ceremony is missing the most essential and important part of the day—even if it’s not the most fun for guests—and one couple could be offended. In most cases, you may have to choose one friend over another, and you can come to that decision based on your relationship with the couple (is it a coworker versus a lifelong friend?)—or the ease to get to the wedding. If one wedding is out of town, most couples will understand forgoing the traveling expense and staying around for the local nuptials.
Often, couples are invited to friends’ weddings that divide down relationship lines. In this case, divide and conquer. While your BFF would love your beau to come as your date, she’d rather you be in attendance than skip the celebration altogether. Attend your friend’s wedding stag, and send your better half to their friend’s solo too.
Photo: Cadey Reisner Weddings
Scenario Two: Two Weddings on the Same Weekend
They may not fall on the same day, but having a wedding on a Friday night, and a second on a Saturday or Sunday can leave just as perplexed as two Saturday evening engagements. However, this can be a simpler fix that comes down to location, time, and money.
If both weddings are in the same town or city, go to both. Your feet may be tired and you may find yourself needing that extra cup of coffee come Monday morning, but you can easily make two couples happy by spending a night celebrating each.
The same goes for weddings that are in driving distance from each other. While you may need to spend Friday night in one location, wake up early and skip the morning-after brunch to make it to wedding number two if the drive is only an hour or two away. You should even have enough time to rest a bit in between!
The real quandary comes with weddings that are a plane ride—or long distance drive—apart. If financially getting between the weddings isn’t feasible, pick one or the other following the same rules as scenario one. And don’t try to make a destination wedding in a place like Mexico work with a wedding at home. You’ll be too jetlagged to give your all to either one. If a plane ride is affordable between both, consider it an option if the timing works out. You have a better chance of hitting both nuptials if there’s a day between both parties, eg. A Friday night wedding and a Sunday afternoon one.
The exception falls to those in the wedding party. While you might think you can make it work, your full attention belongs to the bride or groom you’re supporting, and you should make sure you’re at all of the pre-and-post-wedding events of the weekend (rehearsal dinner, hair and makeup, brunch). If you still feel like you want to make both, have a conversation with the bride or groom and make sure they’re okay with you missing an event first.
Whatever you decide to do, be honest with the couple whose wedding you are skipping and be sure to let them know how truly sorry you are to miss out on their celebration. Attend any pre-wedding events you are invited to like an engagement party or bridal shower, as a way of showing support. And send a wedding gift to show your appreciation for being invited and your happiness for the two of them. Go the extra mile and make a date for celebratory drinks or dinner after the honeymoon, so you can be part of the festivities in your own way.
