5 Things Never to Say to Yourself While Planning a Wedding

The stress and strain and wild ride of planning a wedding (and imminent spousedom) can stir up quite the internal monologue: “Am I doing this right?” “Can I afford this?” “Wow, this is not happening today.” “I’m so sick of buying white clothes.” And while pretty much anything goes when you have wedding planning-brain, there are a few refrains you should actively avoid making into a mantra, for your own sanity. Because mind over matter is the realest when it comes to planning a wedding.

So, without further ado, here’s a list of things you should never let yourself get away with saying to yourself when you’re planning a wedding.

“We can probably afford this.”

At a certain point while planning a wedding, you tend to want to throw everything on the credit card and deal with it later, just to get it done. “We can… probably afford this…” you’ll catch yourself saying. Do not fall victim to this flimsy form of financing. Your budget is something that should be more-or-less set in stone, not choose-your-own-adventure. And just because you think you can afford to upgrade your table linens, or keep your DJ an extra hour (read: just because you want to do this, or just because it’s easier to do this) doesn’t mean you should. Always check your budget tracker before making any wedding purchase, big or small, and decide together with your partner on whether or not you can afford something. You’ll be glad you did when it’s time to cut the checks and you know exactly what you owe, and what you have in the bank.

“This will never get done.”

Every newly-engaged person has that moment shortly after the proposal when they look down the barrel of the next 18-or-so months of wedding planning, catalog every little (and big) thing they have to get done, and feel totally and completely overwhelmed by it all. It’s easy to resign yourself to “This will never get done!,” flip on The Bachelor, and put off planning to another day, since it feels like no amount of productivity will make a dent in your huge to-do list. But that’s not reality. It really will get done; and couples do it every single day! And have been for generations! So don’t slow yourself down with extreme thoughts like this. It’s totally antithetical to progress and will just bum you out. When you’re feeling overwhelmed and you want to just walk away from it all, remind yourself that planning a wedding is a slow and piecemeal process that you will conquer in due time.

“Ugh, I just don’t care.”

You’d never want to hear your partner or a wedding party member say this to you about your wedding, so why would you say it to yourself? You do care—you know you do!—and you really should, because your wedding day (this whole thing you’re planning and spending all this money on) is about you. It’s not for your in-laws or friends, it’s for you. So even if there’s an element that’s less important to you (it’s not that weird if decor is more of a priority to you than food, FYI), you shouldn’t talk it down in your head, because it’ll only make things harder on you, and put less heart in your wedding. Caring doesn’t mean obsessing, by the way. You don’t have to become a bridezilla to show yourself that you “care” about every part of your wedding. It just means banning dismissive thoughts and approaching every planning element with an equal level of thoughtfulness and respect. Because if you don’t care, who will?

“Do I even want this?”

Unless you were seriously dragged into planning a wedding when you truly wanted to elope (which I know is totally a thing), the answer to this question will always be yes. So don’t stress yourself out by second-guessing the decision you’ve made to have a wedding. Yes planning takes a lot of time and money, but no, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be doing it. If you and your partner have always wanted a wedding, then keep your eyes on the prize, even when the “what ifs” start popping up. Because when you’re in the thick of planning a wedding, “Do I even want to do this? What if we just eloped?” won’t make you feel any better, but it will manifest unnecessary doubts that’ll kick you off track and make you less productive in the long run. Commit yourself to the (great!) choices you’ve made and you’ll have a much easier (and more fun) time getting to the finish line.

“Don’t be a bridezilla (or groomzilla!)!”

Now that you’re engaged, there are going to be at least a few people out there in your life who are gearing up to peg you as a bridezilla or groomzilla. Simply because you’ll have passionate moments during your wedding planning journey. Don’t be one of those people and put that pressure on yourself, when the world is already full of judgers whose rude opinions you can’t control. You’re not a bridezilla or groomzilla, and you won’t ever be one. We see and hear so many accusations of bridezilla-dom out there, that once it comes time to plan our own weddings, we immediately criticize ourselves for times when we get a little overwhelmed by the pressure or get a little too selective about what we want. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or that you’re “not chill,” or that you’re doing it wrong—and the criticism is a totally made-up burn created by people who’ve never planned their own weddings and experienced the struggle. Do not become one of these critics for yourself. When you catch yourself freaking out about being a bridezilla or groomzilla, rephrase: Instead of being obsessive, you’re being selective. Instead of being crazy, you’re being passionate. As you damn well should be!