The Wedding Party Etiquette Guide to Splitting the Bill

When it comes to weddings, it’s not just the spouses-to-be who need to strategize about how they’re going to divvy up the bill. Wedding party etiquette requires that the bridesmaids, groomsmen, bridesmen, and groomladies are also going to be expected to pay for things here and there—including big-ticket items like trips and—and it’s up to the group of you to split the bill fairly and conscientiously. If everyone’s on the same page, and no one pays more (or less…) than their fair share, it’ll make for a happier, less-stressed out wedding day, which really is the point of all this spending, after all!

Here’s what to keep in mind when it comes to the (sometimes tricky) wedding party etiquette of splitting the bill.

Plan Ahead

Winging the tab and Venmo-ing as you go during the bachelor and bachelorette parties seems like it’ll work… for the first hour or so. Until someone forgets to press “send” and all hell breaks loose. Bypass the wedding party etiquette drama by including expenditure planning along with your itinerary planning when putting together the parties. Research hotel and transportation costs, of course, but also things like average costs of entrees at the restaurants you’ll go to, any excursion or activity costs for each day, and don’t forget to add in the (divided) cost of covering the guest of honor (your bride or groom) if you and your fellow ‘maids and ‘men plan on gifting them. Add in daily totals at the end of each day before sending out your itinerary to the group, and everyone will know what they’ll be expected to pay for—so no one will be disputing the bill when it comes.

Decide Together What You’re Gifting to the Guests of Honor

We’d all love to give our brides and grooms their whole wedding for free! But we can’t—someone needs to tell that to that overly-ambitious maid of honor in your crew who is suggesting you all pool your money and buy your bride that $20K diamond-encrusted Tiffany champagne flute for her bachelorette. Long before the wedding, all members of each wedding party should get together (sans guest of honor) and decide together what their gifted items will be—and by “gifted items” I mean, will you pay for the entire bachelorette? Or dinner out? Will you get your bride a cute getting-ready PJ set for the morning of her wedding? Or surprise her with tickets to a concert for your whole group during one night of her bachelorette? And what about a shower—will you pay for that, or just chip in? Have the maid of honor (or best man) conference with the bride or groom first, to see what their expectations are, then let them lead the meeting with the rest of the crew to help decide what the gifts should be.

Elect a Treasurer

Whether it’s the maid of honor, the best man, or another member of the wedding party who happens to be particularly financially savvy, one person should be in charge of keeping track of what’s spent where and who owes what. Following good wedding party etiquette will be easier that way, rather than have six or seven people emailing over one another about the same bill. This person should be comfortable being in charge of money (which isn’t always the most comfortable thing for everyone), and should be confident enough to follow-up with people who haven’t paid their fair share, to make sure everyone is even. This person should also be ready to foot most of the bills themselves and get paid back by everyone else later—the perk of which is #tons of #creditcard #points for them!

Don’t Worry About Being Super-Nice

Being fair, considerate and diplomatic with how you spend your money as groomsmen and bridesmaids? Good. Being nice to the point of some people paying more than they should and others not paying enough? Not good. When you sign on to be in the wedding party, you’re agreeing to fork over a certain amount of cash—remember that all of your fellow ‘maids and ‘men have done so with the same understanding. And if everyone is signing up to go to the same wild weekend in Vegas or luxury wine retreat in Sonoma, everyone should pay the same amount. Approach wedding party planning with a pay-to-play attitude, rather than an overly charitable one, and you’ll find that most people will be able to get along just fine. And if anyone can’t afford to attend an event or pitch in their fair share, talk it over with the group and work something out together before simply covering for them and spending way more than you deserve to.

Apps are Your Friend

Party like it’s 2018, people! You do everything else on your phone, why not maintain wedding party etiquette and handle finances with it while you’re at it? Most banking apps have cash sending and requesting features these days, but if not, simply have everyone in your crew download and activate Venmo before any major wedding events—it’s great because you can send reminders to people when they owe, in addition to sending payments to people whom you owe. Other apps like Billr and Splitwise help divvy up bills for restaurants and nights out (so not everyone ends up paying for Stephanie’s top-shelf champagne). Clever app Divvy does all the itemizing for you—simply snap a pic of the receipt in question, assign items to the people who purchased them by dragging and dropping, and voila! No awkward finger-pointing necessary.

Don’t Go Overboard

I mentioned this above but it’s worth repeating. Everybody who says yes to joining a wedding party should do so with the anticipation of spending some money, but no one should go broke in the process. The best way to keep things fair (and to make sure everyone pays what they owe) is to make sure everything is affordable by all. If things are getting complicated and money is flying in a billion directions and people are having a hard time paying up, you’re probably doing too much. Trust me, however you decide to celebrate your bride or groom, they’ll be grateful for it. All they really want is your love and support (which are free for all!).